Dated February Third, the year 2016
Entry references events of the evening of January Tenth, the year 2016.
Penning down things that have happened to me has always been a habit that I have kept, since I was but a young lad growing up in London. Most of these tales are private, meant for personal recollection or to help flesh out mine own thoughts as I expound upon the more basic principles of my ideas. This, however, is a most private and most intimate and personal matter. While my other notebooks are left strewn about the library where anyone might find them, this tome shall be kept closely guarded; neatly deposited under lock and key in the safe in my office.
I will know, Nakia, Abigail, if either of you have tampered with either the safe or the book, so if you are reading this, I suggest you stop now, and put the book back. It will go much better for you if you have no need to lie about seeing the pages hereafter.
The first, and quite possibly the most personally trying, horrifying, and difficult entry herein will be my account of the night I first saw my wife die.
Nakia has always been strong. Stronger than I, by far. That much has always been certain. She was bred a fighter, a woman of the body. I am a master of the mind; a scholar; an erudite. The mystery of these following things, then, is only increased with this knowledge. This woman, so small, so soft and gentle to look upon, is a terror in disguise. A wolf in the sheep’s clothing. She is stronger than I; faster, more flexible, more agile. In the flesh, she has me out classed in nearly every aspect. Merely my height can account for a factor in my favor. It raises the question, then, how someone so attuned to violence, so built for handling enemies bodily could possibly have fallen before someone like myself in a battle for family territory.
I, myself, had taken many wounds. Possibly more than even she had taken. I was blasted and burned, shot, broken and bled dry, and yet I still clung to this world with a grip like death itself, while she slipped into that bitter darkness that I cannot begin to attempt to fathom. Everything that I have ever heard of the place has been horrific, terrifying. I have only been once, myself. Most of my time there had been spent in a haze, hidden in the darkness away from the monstrosities that lurked in the murky black. I had been lucky.
It had given me some small comfort to know that she was not alone in the darkness. Keara, the woman that had requested our assistance, the head of our main bloodline, had been vanquished alongside Nakia. Enver, the woman’s husband, possessed a power to cross the veil into that horrific land of nightmares, without the cold touch of death finding him.
I mean to possess this power.
I will not, I can not allow this kind of horror to happen to us again. Nakia, my little cat, my whole life, was gone to me. All I could do was to whisper comfort into her mind, and even that I had been to hysterically lost, too far gone to really know that I could reach her in that place, that land of nightmare. It was a power I seldom touched since the last time I had attempted to reach out and touch her mind. Even then, it had been meant to be reassuring, and had, instead, sent her into a wild, frenzied rage fueled by terror.
It did not take more than once to understand that someone so connected to her own mind would have difficulty under the stress of outside stimuli. The paranoia that runs rampant through her imaginations also played a powerful hand in her reactions to my speech, her unlikely, but palpable fear that she was being bugged, tapped, or controlled. I have done small works against that distrust, chipping away at the thick walls that she had surrounded herself with, until I had found my way into her heart, a place that I don’t hold lightly, and one that I am not likely to abandon.
It was a struggle to see her in the fight, watching as she was assaulted by our foes… it was impossible, watching her fall and still having to dig down and find the strength to continue without her, to step over her very ashes to reach out against those that had harmed her. I will admit, the taste of defeat was on my lips. I could feel it, and almost welcomed my own darkness that I might be with her again. What I hadn’t expected was to survive the rest of that horrible fight, just barely clinging to life by a thread. I knew, that if I had thrown myself into the realm intentionally, she would have been more cross with me than I have ever believed her to be.
Instead, I went home and I patched myself up. I staunched the bleeding and found a quiet, solitary place in which to pass my time in mourning. The library was silence incarnate, the very essence of isolation. I was alone, left mostly to my thoughts after a brief conversation with Kallista and an email, followed by a telepathic message from my sibling, Jersey. Those brief moments of contact aside, I spent the next week in anticipatory loneliness.
It was best for everyone that I kept to myself. I was never the best conversationalist when I had something on my mind, always drifting back to that subject that had broached my focus, or drifting off into thought about the same thing, when the complexities of my considerations grew to outpace the dialogue. This was much worse than the average subject of focus; my wife’s murder was the only thing I seemed to have on my mind, playing the scene in my head time and time again. Even reaching out to speak to her from time to time, I continued to drift into the thoughts of the things that I could have done to change what had happened. The things that I hadn’t done, that I should have. The ways that things should have gone.
The ways that I failed.
In the end, I tried to bury myself in reading material, losing myself in this book or that, though never for long, and never without making the wound fresh each time I came back to gnawing at the old bone. I had never been so thankful for a week to be over, the day I came from the library to finally stretch my legs in preparation for her arrival. She had been the one to find me, as stealthy as always, creeping up to snatch me from the darkness of the caverns where I hunted.
The most difficult trial I had ever endured had come to a close.
My wife was alive; she had returned to me.
I am finally freed from my self imprisonment, and nothing has been so sweet as to hold her again.
Perhaps when my mind is freed of this overwhelming need to speak of nothing but her return to life, I can pen something more here.
Until then.
Dr. Danton Lucius King
Grand Master of the Fourth Circle
Grand Master of the Fourth Circle