The Musings of Keara Aithne

[Keara Aithne]

7th May 2015

Angry I am. Angry and hurt. Know I do that silly being I am but help it I cannot. Jersey me today did inspire. Thankful for that I am. Nice of her it is for of her family to think. Still. Prefer I do for Enver about me to feel. Unsettling it is for another under my skin to feel is. Though that what made me angry is not. What upset me did was that she to My Enver inspired did. He mine is. Mine. Like I do not that another sway upon him has. Enver light of the situation tried to make did. Love him I do for so to be, but helped me it did not. Said he did that when happens this does. Not that happens often it does. Says he does that chooses he does for to believe that I inspiration to him in another form have brought. He my silly boy. Understands he does not how feel I do. Explain it myself I cannot. Not so that it sense does make. Probably as it no sense does make. Something wrong inside me is. Know this I do. So reasonable when it comes to him I cannot be.

[Keara Aithne]

10th May 2015

Spending time in the gauntlet of late I have been. Fought against Kira and Momento I did. Both ladies very accomplished are. Usually, fare so well in this competition I do not. Distracted become I do when I my own kind must fight. Like this I used not to be. Focused then I was. Driven. Believed I did in what done must be. Now see I do not a reason for my kind to engage. Strange, but not strange that is. Changed I have. Like that about me I do. I my own person in this time am.

[Keara Aithne]

11th May 2015

Insatiable we are. Mind that I do not but still strange at times seems it does that I such emotions should feel. Enver my passion is. My life. My fire. See him I do anew if away he has been. Even if the time apart but a few minutes is. My heart beats not but sometimes imagine I can how felt it once did. More feel my emotion is my stomach and loins I do. That natural is. From everything that read I have. And read a little on these emotions I have. Fiction. Stories. But think I do that these accounts accurately enough emotions do depict. Wonder I do if e’er we this fire alive shall keep. Hope it I do. Wish I do not for these feelings to lose.

[Keara Aithne]

12th May 2015

Started well our evening did. Until upset my husband I did. Mean to do that I did not. Know I do when upset with me he is. Abrupt he is. Distant. Tinkers he does. Know I do not why does this he does. Talk to me he should. Listen I would. Want I do for his thoughts and feelings to know. Know him well I do and yet still there ties are when feels that way it does not. Danced we did. And of Serge we spoke. That how our conversation started did. Then asked he did about a child. Thought I did that he this idea long ago to rest had put. But that not so is. He an heir desires does. But now talk of it with me he will not. Says he does, that wishes he does not for to sell up. His businesses important to him are. Knew this I did. Know it for the truth to be. But still. Wonder I do if thought this through he has. Wanted he did not for the puppies on holiday with us to bring. A child more time than our babies would require. Sure I am that knows this he does. Thinking straight he is not. Wait I shall for his mood to calm, then perhaps this subject anew we can discuss.

[Keara Aithne]

13th May 2015

Learn I must, for not always the worst to think. Saw I did text message that Crash to Enver sent. A woman’s name mentioned was. Immediately my mind, my fears rampant did allow to run. Like that I do not. But happens it does. More so if Enver involved in any way is. So thought I did for her to investigate. Started in his office I did. And there I did remain. She another woman is. But younger. Much younger. She but a teenager is. In this ear at least. Thinking he is for her to adopt. More thought on this given he has than thought I did. Files found I did. Many files. All with information about children that adopted could be. And some linked to me are. By birth. By blood. Relations have I still in this world. And Enver some of them found has. Amazing that is. Truly.

Point of this entry is though, that agreed we have for a child to adopt. His idea no whim is. It a plan is. One that much sense does make. And for once. Thinking of the future my husband is. Support him in this I must. And think I do, that once know the child we do, that love them we shall. Capable of love we are. Wait we shall for to see if right in this I am. Though suspect I do that I shall be.

[Keara Aithne]

16th May 2015

Beasts back are. Alphas. Attacked twice now I have been. Once while in my home I slept did. And once while I in the sewers was. Able I am not for the creature to maim. Frustrates me this does. Able I am not for myself and my family to protect if injure this creature I cannot. More training perhaps I have need of. My skills lacking are. And pains me it does for this to know.

[Keara Aithne]

17th May 2015

Honeymoon perhaps over is. Saying that is. The shine off has worn. That another is. My Enver annoyed with me is. Speak we do of a life into our family to bring and yet upset with me he becomes. Greeted Lorde I did. As I always do. Love her I do. She mine is, even if we the same blood share not. Thinking I was that he jealous is. But it more than that is. Know this I do. Talk to me about it he will not. Know I do not how I this right can make if speak to me he does not. Wait then I must until he ready is for me to tell. For to talk. Until then worry I must. Like that I do not.

[Keara Aithne]

20th May 2015

Quiet things have been. Wonder still I do if forgiven I have been. Help I cannot but for myself to be. Deny I shall not what feel I do. More time with the puppies spending I have been. Need me they do. Brighten my mood they do. Drawing them difficult is. But patience enough I have. Best is for to wait until sleeping they are. Sketches in parts doing I am. My time take I may. No rush is there for their images to take. Take pictures I could. For a moment to freeze. From these even work I could but prefer I do for that not to do. For from life to work. Their spirit capture then I can. How see them I do. The best. And the worst. Matters not, so long as they true are. Fun my babies are. Much enjoyment give me they do.

[Keara Aithne]

22nd May 2015

Love I do for in his arms to be. Even if peace not long does last. This time his pain my doing was not. Attacked by alpha beast he was. Healed it immediately he did not. Know not why. Capable he is for that to do. Like I do not for him pained to see. Feel I do that failed him I did. Protected him I should have. Too little does he ask of me. That able for him to do I ought to have been. More time in the gauntlet spent must be. More difficult challenges find and face I must. Weak I think I must have become. And yet know I do not how. All my energy into bettering myself funnelled is. Well. That perhaps true is not. Not all my energy. Much save I do for My Love. He everything to me is. Perhaps that my problem is. But if that so is, change I cannot. Will not. More time with him I shall always require.

[Keara Aithne]

25th May 2015

Alexandrea me today did inspire. Think I do that wishes me well she does. Need I do for time aside to set for her. So good at maintaining friendships I am not. Still. Prefer I always do for by my husband for to be inspired.

Charlotte attacked was. Alpha fadebeast in our home was. Like that creature I do not. Quite bothersome it is. Try I shall for it later to hunt. Though last time encountered it I did, too quick for me it was. Like I do not for bested by a beast to be, but allows that does for more motivation for daily to train.