i'm still here [every's journal]

[Every]

This is Every's journal which looks like an ordinary, hardback black book with "Journal" printed in silver lettering across the front and has a black ribbon acting as a placeholder. It can often be found in her messenger bag or tucked away in The Eyrie's tree branches out of sight. No character should have any IC knowledge of the information within unless you have asked me for permission. If you do not like what is being written or said, these are her private thoughts and I ask that you simply do not read them. Thanks!

[Every]

21 October, 2014.

Dear Charlie,

Odd to think my birthday was only last week. I've been Tytonidae for two years, sired for two years and in those two years, I have had my ups and downs. I've made mistakes and I've grown as an individual. I've gotten shot countless times and have killed others countless times. Amazingly, I've only died twice which is considerably impressive with how many times I've pissed off others but anyway, enough rambling.

Why am I even bothering with trying to write down how I feel? Oh, right. Because if I don't get it out somehow, I have the distinct feeling that Phoenix will stab me when I grump around the night I dye her hair. Keeping feelings bottled up is an easier way for me to cope. Writing it all down on paper just allows me to re-read and deal with it all over again. I still prefer the avoid and ignore method.

I don't know what to say.

It's... somewhat back to normal. Micah's still being a prick, but if that's what he wants to do, by all means. It doesn't bother me none. It'll get better at some point, others have been flat out fuckers and he deals with them just fine. It was strange that he told me to back off, though, I was expecting to be shot or to end up in yet another fight with him. Then again, he seems to be popping off at others more than usual so something must have crawled up his ***. I don't think I'm going to go to him to end this fight this time. It's not a pride thing. If he wants it stopped, it'll be on him.

If I wanted to leave, I wouldn't be here. It's pretty much obvious. I don't really care for many any more. Trust decided to be shattered, but I know I have some that will have my back.

Szabina has become somewhat tolerable. Keyword being somewhat given the ***** started taking meds. She has a second personality now, Rose. I'm still referring to her as Poppy. The second sentence gives all the reasoning. It appears that Rose has issues with what happened with Szabina and I. And you know, I really don't give a flying **** about her opinion in all honesty. Considering she doesn't give a rats *** about half of Andras, and before people took pity on her, she would have been ejected from family. I do care for the ***** still, don't want to, but Szabina disenthralled - just as Rose had mentioned. And that makes me wonder if she would have chosen differently, but at the same time, why do I care?

They can take their thoughts and ideas, and proceed to ever to kindly shove them right beside that bible that my former childe - oh, right, waste of blood, yes that's much better - has jammed up her ***. I can't say I regret turning her, but I do regret ever asking Micah to grant her access to the Andras family. I'm considering to actually polish Vel's boots like she joked a while back to make up for it. Not like I have anything better to do these days anyway.

The other one has been quiet.

Andras has exploded, by the way. I'm both pleased to see it, and minorly annoyed as I warily look at the family tree I have still yet to update. I will soon, though, after I take an evening to weave through everything to find who sired who and whatnot. Speaking of siring, Nishaa sired again. Another girl, her name is Marjani.

Karma apparently decided to bite Nish in the ***, too, as it seems that Abi doesn't like the concept of having a sibling. I remember that amount from my headache and couldn't help but smirk as I recalled it while talking to Abi last night, reading it on the board. I'm really proud of the woman Nishaa has become, she isn't the same obnoxious flirt that stabbed me the night that I turned her. And I'm still wondering what the **** she meant by calling me a bunny, but that's another question for another day I suppose.

I still don't understand why she and Kirill stayed. I have them the option and unlike the other two (although I do wonder if they actually considered the fact it is a rather dick move to ask my sire to do the ritual) took the easy way out. Then again, now that I think about it, it makes perfect sense. Nishaa and Kirill and I have actually never had an easy relationship. ...Well, it seems writing things down has actually been of use. At least I know at the end of the day, even if they want to kill me, I can count on those two to always have my back.

Reanna has become distant, as well, likely a result of the ******** that happened for the past few months. But, I do know she is also here for the long run.

This family, Andras, takes its toll on you. But, I suppose the main reason those within it can piss me off to high hell is because I'm getting what I put into it. If I could look in a mirror to see my reflection, would I even recognize the woman standing there? I mean, physically of course I would. I'd still look like I did - Helena's dragged me into enough pictures to know I still have my brown hair and hazel eyes, a bit paler... I'm rambling again.

Which reminds me. Granted, I have no idea how, but Emilee is dying.

That explains the smell I caught a while back, but it's... odd. I don't feel anything. Well, no. That's not correct. Anger, maybe? Not about her dying. For the way she let Enver's dad push mine out of her life and for not being there for dickhead when he needed his mother. As for myself, relief - and that sounds really bitchy, but mind you she did want to "introduce me to society as a proper young lady" and "get me a man." It's bad enough she implied I was raised incorrectly, but all things considered, she didn't do **** for my family (if one can call it that) and I turned out perfectly fine.

The fact that I murdered my them aside, but hey, one can only take so much mental abuse before snapping.

Too much writing.

Every Alexis.

[Every]

22 October, 2014

Dear Charlie,

The voices are getting louder. And yes, I realize how much of a nut I seem writing that, but they're definitely there and while I can tune out most of them there's one distinctive voice that echoes around constantly.

I can feel his breath on my face sometimes, smell the lingering vodka around me and every now and then I see him. But, it's not possible. I bashed his face in with a fire extinguisher. I felt his blood seeping through my clothes.

What gets to me is his laughter.

He always reminded me of a braying ***.

I told him that once and he couldn't move fast enough to get me. Any time he laughed after that, I made a point to say it. It apparently had gotten back to his day job and he claimed it had been what drove him to quit so he could plop his drunken *** on the couch.

I know why he's around.

The feeling of a hand grasping my neck again bothered me more than I initially admitted. It still does. And now I have to deal with the braying *** whispering in my ear telling me that I haven't changed. The **** has been dead for years and he's still able to test my patience.

He appears sometimes, as does Michael. Where the *** is usually there to harass, he tries to comfort. He tries to remind me of who I am, but the truth is I'm not the same Evee I had been when he was alive. That girl was beaten. At least now I can stand on my feet and I'm working on standing up for myself.

Anyway, for lack of anything to do I'm going to go train. I'm taping this in here until I can fix my picture frame, if I even bother to do so. Depends on what happens, I suppose.

[Every]

1st November, 2014

Dear Charlie,

My amount of fucks given has diminished significantly over the past few weeks as I work to try and shake this feeling. I don't talk to many, but try to start conversations lately only to have them fail. Marjani seems pretty cool, I finally remembered to transfer some money to both her and Abi as a "welcome to the family" gift and to try and help them get on their feet. I did it with my childer, too.

I decided I'm not going to be speaking much on CrowNet, maybe every now and then, but not much. It isn't something I can maintain consistently with a polite attitude. And its not them. That's the worst part, or well, I don't think its all of them. I feel angry all the time, and when I'm not angry, I'm depressed and hurting. And I just don't feel particularly motivated to drag my *** out of bed unless I'm training or get a text from Micah or Vel about a hunt.

I feel bad about missing both of the parties, too.

Starting to break isn't covering it. I'm just tired of all the ********, lies and senseless drama. Assumptions have begun to piss me the **** off and while actions speak louder than words, some people are stuck on a countless loop.

Scars remain, but sometimes wounds go deeper than what people can see on the surface and not many people can get beneath it.

How long will it take before the surface breaks?

[Every]

25th November, 2014

Dear Charlie,

I’m back. I needed a bit of quiet and time to think, gather my wits. It was easier to just focus on what I needed to do and do it rather than write, although it looks like I did somehow manage to drop a few knives on your cover as it looks scratched to all hell. Whoops. Oh well! It was good, getting back out of the tree. I updated the other tree and some other things that I needed to do because it was starting to bug the holy **** out of me when it came to it not being such. I’ve learned over the years that I like lists. It’s a weird thing to like, mind you, but it keeps me preoccupied and distracted.

Which reminds me, **** Jesse and his fangs, I had to double check to make sure I hadn’t missed any of him or his hoard because it gets lost under about fifteen pages of chatter in the welcome thread. Can’t stay mad long, but god that was a pain in my ***.

Distractions can be good these days. My car is kind of... wrecked. Again. Can’t find Kirill worth a ****, either, but he’ll turn up. The girls are still around, my headache/anchor and my troublemaker. Loyal is a strong suit I’ve always had, but the sense of belonging is wishy-washy certain days. But, I’ve realized lately that I do have something to stay for and even if I really tried, something would always bring me back to this place – Andras and Tytonidae.

Home.

I owe a lot to Micah and Velveteen, to the family and to the faction. I don’t care what certain individuals think of me, and the more I consider it, things that they (Micah and Vel) told me in the past still stand. Hell, Nishaa is someone I owe a shitload to.

And, Kirill was right. That mess isn’t who I am and I’m ashamed I let myself get that way.

Every.

[Every]

24 December, 2014

Dear Charlie,

It’s been almost a month since I’ve last written in you and after slightly skimming over the past few journal entries, it’s safe to say that nope, I definitely do not remember quite a lot of **** and I’m glad about it, although why my favorite picture with Micah is not in its picture frame confuses me.

Note to self: Buy new picture frame.

A lot has happened and there’s been ups and downs.

One of them is Kirill is dead. I remember finding that out because it was like a shock to my system, the pain similar to what I felt when Nishaa died, but not the same. And, there’s a difference this time between those, as well. With Nishaa, a mooncalf killed her. Kirill chose to kill himself after a fight with Reanna, who is not taking it well either. It’s strange to think that the one childe that has never given me any crap about anything other than my personality is dead. Weird to think it and... I’m actually pretty sad. We’ve never liked each other, but he’s always been loyal to me. He’s never once questioned how I do things or what I’ve asked of him and the last thing I did was call him an asshole.

And yes, I do know we’ll be back. But... Kirill isn’t back yet. It’s been a while, according to Reanna. Why hasn’t he come home? I know he talks to her, it’s the way she taps her temple. He’s a telepath, he’s awake. Can he not find a door? I might fadewalk to see him later.

Nish and I are somewhat back to normal, if whatever we can call what we’ve ever had to be normal. Things started to get better after she shot me in the head and caused the memory loss, erasing whatever depression I’ve apparently been in.

Ray’s quieter these days, but I’m happy to know that she’ll always have my back, too.

Which, speaking of back, Malachai has returned to Andras. I’ve got a little bit of mixed feelings about this. Personally, I’ve never had a direct issue with him. It was the way he would defend whatsherface for being a **** to me and co. back when I was first turned, but I’ve since gotten over it after he defended some of our family against Worthington. He seems to be a pretty nice guy and Echo isn’t all that bad, she seems to be decent. I still don’t understand how she returned after dying for a day. I saw her vanish, saw Malachai’s misery. I trust Micah’s judgment, but I swear if either of them **** him, Vel or Andras over...

That’s enough of that. In addition to Malachai and Echo, Andras has expanded and I vaguely remember Lia asking me to help her prepare an Andras Anniversary party, but I have no idea what came of that. While my memory might be ****, there were no markings on my calendar about it and I’m pretty good at marking dates down even if I had been avoiding the event itself for who knows what. The newest addition is this guy named Curtis Spade. There’s quite a bit that can be said about him.

First off, the ***** scared away my dinner. Secondly, he touched my arm and he’s very lucky I didn’t punch him even if he did boost my blood. It weirds me out a bit, too, by the way he stares so much, but part of me doesn’t particularly mind the attention. He knew we were related, by Andras. Through Vel. He said he felt drawn to me – first time I’ve ever heard a man say that who didn’t try to get into my pants ten minutes later. We talked for a little bit and he seems to have this constant urge to kill, something he later confirmed to Vel. He also called me Missy.

This same dude later shows up, surprising us all, at the Andras Bonfire. But, before that, the event itself was pretty fun. I started tossing snowballs at my siblings, had a mini snowball fight – Jesse later got me in the head for revenge of the one I dropped on him. All in all, though... these past few nights have been really nice. I feel like part of me has missed this.

Every A.

[Every]

February 1, 2015

I’m not writing Dear Charlie, or any type of introduction these days any more, not as I sit here and stare at the pages of a journal that just doesn’t make much sense to me after everything. Micah cleared up quite a bit of confusion, but even despite clearing up some, everything simply got much worse. As it turns out, Szabina and Aysel, as I understand now, are two childer of mine who had Micah disenthrall from me because I grew distant from them.

Aysel, according to my other journal, slept with Jonah and Jesse despite being in a relationship with Jonah, and then when I learned about it, I pulled away because I don’t believe in cheating on your partner. Both men were people I consider to be friends, and when she didn’t seem to take responsibility and was furious with Jesse for going to Velveteen about it, I was disappointed in her. She blamed him.

I know how Jesse was, and I know how he was over the supposed time period it happened. I remember popping his back into place, hearing him scream. The flirt couldn’t have done ****, so it wasn’t exactly bad touch call. They both were equal individuals in the deed and Jonah was hurt in the end. I remember this now because Micah mentioned the rule between faction proper and initiates interacting. I voted for the rule to be put into place because I was disgusted at how my childe intentionally slept with two men in one relationship, leading to faction drama that could have been prevented in the first place.

One thing that bothers me about the entire Aysel thing is I was recently skimming through my emails and found a draft that had been sent with an apology inside it. It was dated during the period she had gone on a vacation in, and I always finish what I start, so I know I had sent an apology to her before all of the ******** had happened, leading to her disenthrallments. You can’t blame one individual with these situations and that’s exactly what happened. I was at fault because I pulled away.

But, I don't blame her for it - I dropped the ball.

I’m the sire, I should have been there.

As for Szabina... that one, I can’t figure out entirely. I know with Nishaa, Reanna and Kirill, I don’t go to them all the time because they aren’t needy. She accused me of playing favoritism with Reanna. I don’t remember the specifics. I don’t really want to, but I hope Micah’ll still help me if I don’t after a month. I know she gave me an ultimatium. That memory cut through me the same night Micah’s did. Just like I did when he told me to choose, I said that I wasn’t going to.

Is it wrong I don’t feel too upset about losing them? I’m hurt. I’m angry, but I think I’m more angry at myself for becoming that pathetic individual that let pity and depression hit hard rather than fight it like I always have. Rather than focus on my issues with them, I’m trying to find what upset Micah. I focus on my relationship with my remaining childer.

He won’t be happy to hear I ran after Curtis. In fact, I expect him to be livid and to tell me he wants absolutely nothing to do with me... Writing that makes it feel like I put a knife through my heart, but I can change my mind. I’m not going to pick either of them. I respect my sire. I love him, and I would die for him without hesitation because I owe him for everything he’s given me. If he’s willing to give me another shot for apparently being a dumb **** for the past six months, I hope he’ll be able to eventually understand that I couldn’t make that decision without telling them both that I was sorry and cut ties with them both until they settled their issues.

Which, given how stubborn they both are, would have been another five hundred years before I spoke to either. I considered going to Rio at a brief point, to get away from it all for a few weeks, but it wouldn’t have been fair to my childer. The same reason behind the reason the shadow realm, aside from occasional fadewalking, being my reason to stay neutral.

Some probably view my refusal to choose as an insult to Micah. An insult to the respect I have for him, thinking I have none, but honestly... it’s entirely the opposite. I respect my sire to the point I did choose him, but in making that decision, I wasn’t being who I was. Now, I know that’s likely confusing, but I hurt myself by going back on my word. I gave into a fear of losing Micah. After everything from Jhennivere threatening to kill me for just being a few days old, to my ******** with Hadrian, the fadebeast from Azariel, to watching me break down and lose it, and from Lia and Zoey acting like total assholes to me, Micah has always been there for me even when he was disappointed. When he was furious with me...

Will this really be the end of three years?

I know a guy isn’t worth it, but I do know that if Micah decides it is, then it’ll be his decision. I don’t always agree with him, but I do respect his thoughts. If he disowns me, I’ve already decided that I will never disenthrall from him. Why? Because it’s an insult and a slap to the face. I’m proud to be Micah’s blood, I’m proud to be his childe. We have our issues, but until now... we’ve always gotten over them. They made us stronger. I’m part of the Andras bloodline and I always will be.

Knowing those two disenthralled me because they have the inability to get over **** and try to work things out makes me feel as if I never really meant anything to them in the first place, and if that’s true, then good riddance.

Family sticks it out.

Even if they hate each other.

[Every]

1 February, 2015 – Part Two

The more I think about the Micah or Spade situation, the more I feel sick to my stomach. I feel guilty, but I also feel angry, but what I feel the most out of all of this is the pain that it brings me. I also spend my time wondering if this was anyone else in the line, who would they choose? Their partner or their sire? Who would my childer choose, me or their loved one? Kirill and Reanna have been in love for longer than they’ve known me, and they’re devoted, but I don’t think they’d hesitate to pick each other. Nishaa’s devoted, but I hate to think of losing her. I would never ask them, even at my angriest. And even if I did, I wouldn’t cut ties with them. Not after everything we’ve gone through.

Who would Micah choose if the situation were in reverse, if I demanded he choose between Velveteen or I? If she demanded it? If any of my siblings did? I never thought that he would ask this of me because I always thought that he had more respect for me than this, he even said beforehand that I was an adult and capable of making my own decisions. If Curtis hurts me, that’s on him and that’s on me, it wouldn’t be anything to do with Andras or Tytonidae. Just like with Azariel, with Hadrian.

The reason I refuse to choose one or the other is because flat out, it’s not a situation I’m comfortable with. One thing that bothers me the most about it, as well, is that not even ten minutes before he told me to choose, Micah had mentioned burning bridges. About not being able to fix relationships with my childer, Aysel and Szabina. Our own relationship was on the rocks, so maybe that’s why he was able to hurt me so easily by asking me to decide, but the thing is, what does he feel this is going to accomplish?

Spade isn’t even trying to make me choose. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me, as well as his anger, the fact that I had hurt him. I can feel it in his body when he has an arm around me. He knows this is hurting me, even when I try to hide it, he can see it and I know he wants to be able to fix it. He even said he’s going to try to fix it, to talk with Micah. After he left, I sent a message to Vel as a heads up to let her know he went unarmed. The worst part? I don’t think Micah’ll go. He said he wants nothing to do with him.

I didn’t sit around the apartment all night, I have a competition to try and win. Ariadne and Dulce are both stronger than me, too, so at least I know it’ll be something to be proud of either way, win or lose. And I was doing actually pretty well, at least I was until Blake shot me. At first, I thought, what the **** because even if I don’t entirely trust or like the guy, I hadn’t done anything that provoked him that I was aware of. I seem to be able to piss others off just being in the room with them these days, so I was wondering briefly if that’s what had happened.

Three shots, all in the gut – although one of them is closer to my breast than I’m comfortable with. I didn’t heal it entirely, just enough that it wouldn’t screw with my training. The wound is deep, but I got out the bullets. **** hurts like a mother, but I’m used to it by now. Well, that’s a bit morbid to say. I’m used to it. Never did I ever think I’d be used to getting shot, but then again, I never thought I’d be used to getting betrayed either.

Later, I think I’m going to talk to Vel. Not because I want to drag her into this mess, but she’s always been someone that has no issue flat out telling me what I need to do. Verbally kicking sense into me is more preferred at the moment, given the fact I now have something slowly healing.

[Every]

2 March, 2015

I never thought I’d see him again, but the man’s features were unmistakable even from afar. Dark hair, blue eyes. He’d since gained more muscle, grown a beard, but everything about the second Marine that had come to deliver the news about Michael’s death had remained the same. When he wasn’t in uniform, he’d always dressed in jeans, some sort of tee-shirt and a cardigan. On his arm, he’d been carrying a heavier jacket that showed he still hated the cold. I don’t know what he’s doing in Harper Rock. Was he looking for Grayson? Was he looking for me? Did he even see me?

We had been standing almost twenty feet apart in Newsborough, waiting at a stoplight. I’d been walking towards him while he stared in the direction of the college. Did he remember I’d still be studying? These are the questions I ask myself over and over again. He won’t find Grayson. I know he won’t, in fact, the most he’ll find about him is a death certificate. Wild animal attack had been the suspected reasoning, no one thought it was foul play. A few knew the truth, but I doubt they’d actually ask about it. He’d been stalking me, so I ripped his head off.

Desdemona told me that I looked like I’d seen a ghost when I’d arrived back in the apartment that night. I had been hoping Nishaa or Reanna would have been waiting in the Eyrie, but I hadn’t seen either of them. Micah’d know what to do, but I still don’t particularly feel like talking to him for a little bit longer. I’ve started to remember more, but even then, I don’t want to remember. Anyway. Back on topic.

Why is he here? Why now? Silas, the last time I had heard, was overseas. He’d gone to Japan, I think, after his time was up in the military. It’s just... strange. I don’t think he saw me. If he did, he didn’t show any recognition. He didn’t call out to me, not that I would have answered unless I could have avoided it. We both know I’d never forget him, especially after Michael.

I can’t believe it’s been eight years. Eight. Well, this year.

It’s painful, the memory of them both sitting in my living room when I came home from school, their expressions grim. I remember the tears in my mother’s eyes, my sister crying into her side. Silas didn’t even have to look at me for the news to hit me. He’d been my brother’s best friend over there, we’d met him when he’d flown back once. I’d written him letters after his mom died and he promised me he’d take care of ‘the idiot’ as he referred to my brother as often. I remember them suggesting that I sit down, but after that... sometimes it’s fuzzy, other times it’s not.

I was, for lack of a better word, hysterical for a few days and when I wasn’t, I was sedated. I slept. I mourned, I cried, I screamed. I was angry. I felt lied to. I felt betrayed, I felt lost. I felt alone. Even as Michael’s casket was lowered into the ground, I was in denial.

When I saw his face again, I could hear him talking to me when I was calmer. I could hear him saying that he was sorry over and over again. I’ve never been good seeing other people cry and when he did, I didn’t do anything but recoil back into how I was feeling. After my graduation, after his body was completely healed, Silas told me goodbye and left. Part of me wants to have Desdemona follow him, see why he’s in Harper Rock, but the other part of me wants to go confront him myself. Every bit of my logic says to just avoid him at all costs, stay in the shadows and let him leave. If he’s not here to find me, he won’t run into me. If he is here to find me, he won’t be able to. It’s not like I go by Every Leighton any more.

The only person I have it linked to is Doc, who is now my therapist, but without a warrant, Silas can’t get them. Plus, I’m not one to go to ask help, so I doubt he’d think to look in anything as such. Maybe I’ll tell him to change the name of the files to an alias.

[Every]

April 20th, 2015

Jesse’s gone.

Fforde is too.

It’s strange to write that after everything that Micah and Vel has done for them, honestly. I may not know the extremities of everything, but I know how they are and I know how he is. They brought him into our family after Phoenix told him to choose Tytonidae or Altaire. They gave him a home, a family. Micah taught him about rituals. It’s just... weird not having him there.

And why is it that they’re gone?

Grey had to open her mouth and defend him when it wasn’t necessary, as she always seems to do. I don’t know if it’s her intentions to make him look pathetic, but it usually ends up that way from how I see it. I know I would defend Spade if he needed it, but he doesn’t because he’s capable of doing so – which he’s shown. And I know that Micah and Velveteen would defend each other when they need it. And I think what bothers me the most about it is that Jesse is capable of defending himself, and everything had been fine again before she had to act like an attack dog as usual.

It’s not the first time she’s done it, but it’s the first time that she overstepped. I cursed her. I failed, but I tried. I can’t really stress how disappointed in Jesse I am, either. Micah returned an insult (she must have deleted hers because I haven’t seen it) and then proceeded to tell her to get out. I don’t think Jesse understood that when he talks to Vel a certain way, he’s not only slamming Micah’s wife, but he’s slamming the co-leader of Andras, and the co-leader of Tytonidae. Both of which, Grey is not nor is she a member of the latter so yeah.

There’s a bit of a difference.

Honestly, it really looks like he’s throwing away everything that they’ve done for him just for a piece of ***.

And that... really is just disappointing.

Axel did the same thing to him over Phoenix, the woman that disowned him and caused him to become a member of our family in Andras. I remember his anger, his disappointment.

On top of being disappointed, I don’t know how I’m feeling. Angry? Betrayed on some level?

At the end of the day, Jesse knew how we were – how we are. He knew that regardless of what was said or done, we’d have his back so long as he was family. He is still my family, too. And I do intend to still have that talk with him, but now, there’s going to be more to it. You don’t just walk out on those that have taken you in and aided you because your partner was disrespected.

And I know that’s probably weird for me to say, especially after I risked my relationship with Micah over Spade before he realized that he was only wanting me to choose to hurt me, but I didn’t walk out and I didn’t want to make a decision.

Because the moment I had, I didn’t hurt just one person.

I made myself want to die.

Maybe it isn’t all Grey’s fault. Yeah, that’s entirely ******** and I’m not going to even bother defending her. It is her fault entirely. Honestly, until she knew what it was like to sire someone, I don’t think she should have put any input into the conversation. One thing I don’t know if she, or Jesse, considered was that we are pro-masquerade and to hear that someone has been turned from a bite (granted, I’ve seen it too, but I never let them live), and then have serious complications that’s resulted in illness is very alarming. The moment Jesse mentioned it, I began to wonder how many Rogues in the city are like this? How many Rogues are spawning because they were just bitten?

Is this something that we, as Tytonidae, need to look into? Is it something that we’re going to have to do an experiment and test on?

She did nothing but pour gas on an open flame and in the end, it made Fforde lose yet another family.

It made Jesse lose another family.

I hope she’s proud of herself, and that she’s happy.

We may come across as callous, cold assholes, but we care.

As for Jesse, I hope he gets his **** together. I hope he realizes that Grey, while she may have had her best intentions, was at fault for it all. I also hope he realizes that he needs to stop becoming so defensive and he needs to learn that being a good leader doesn’t mean storming out when you feel insulted, or hurt. Otherwise? Fforde is going to trip themselves up before they can even get a decent running start.

And I hope that he realizes what he just lost. We aren’t the best family. We aren’t the most stable, nor are we the kindest family, but we’ve been together that moment Micah disowned Bowstrong. Andras has been together for two years, but the family itself has been there even before I was a vampire. Not long, given Micah was turned a year before I was, but it was there. And it was starting out. There aren’t even many active Clans that remain.

Andras has lasted longer than others.