Seeking Advice

[Chaindog]

--The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--

Chaindog: ~knocks on her door~ Boss?
Zodiac: *peeks out* hi. come in
Chaindog: ~comes in and closes the door behind him~ Im not interrupting am I?
Zodiac: oh no. is fine, just checking orders for Christmas stock is all *sits down and points to the other chair* is everything okay?
Chaindog: ~he took a seat and folded his hands~ Yes things are fine. I was wanting your advice on something if you can help?
Zodiac: if I can help, of course. whats on your mind, dear?
Chaindog: ~he sighed~ I'm an old man Zo. Maybe not in this life but as a soldier I'm quite old. 25 years I fought. But the last 6 months...I'm starting to go a little stir crazy.
Zodiac: *nods* I was wondering when this might happen. I have done counseling for others with the same past profession like yourself and they say the same thing sometimes
Chaindog: ~he nodded and knew that she knew what he was going through. maybe she could help then~ Lately Ive been having...Dreams. Well not really dreams as much as they are the nightmares. I guess when you took a look a while ago you unlocked those memories. Understand so far?
Zodiac: yes, I do. I still get an occasional 'flash' of some of them in my own head. they were pretty intense to someone like me, so hard to dismiss so easily
Chaindog: I'm sorry. I wish that didn't happen to you. But..Its like I'm not only seeing my old unit...Its like they are telling me to go out and do what I do best. Trouble is...I'm almost tempted to listen to them. I know it isn't real but...
Zodiac: its a hazard of my occupation and I knew that. It helped you, so is not a bad thing *smiles* dealing with echoes of the past is something I am very familiar with
Chaindog: Well then we are sort of in the same boat. You see it second hand but its like I'm reliving it all over again. I wake up in a cold sweat and I'm grabbing my knife and gun and ready to kill something. I....I feel like I need to go out there ~points out the window~ And just do what I do best.
Zodiac: *nods* trust me, I have the same feelings on things in my own past. I would share them with you but I am not sure you could deal with finding yourself in a woman's perspective of such a situation. *thinks for a moment* so, if I am wrong, I apologize, but I am guessing .....'Kill em all' or something like that?
Chaindog: ~he laughed at that little bit~ No not kill em all and let God sort em out. Its more like...~he had to think on how he wanted to say it~ Its more like...How it was in those Rambo movies. Just go out, blow **** up and take over.
Zodiac: ah, I see. making a statement? actually if I remember those right, that is what he was doing. very few were killed in the first film, so to me he was making a point
Zodiac: *thinks* he wanted to............. have a purpose. feel 'alive' again
Chaindog: Yes! And me sitting on my mountain of an ***....I don't feel alive. See like the way I am now I have no fear of death cause you know..We really don't die. But back then, out there when it was kill or be killed you faced death all the time. That was what kept me on my toes. The rush as it were.
Zodiac: indeed. then you need a proper challenge
Chaindog: That is what I was thinking. But..I need to make it a real challenge. So far there was only 1 that gave me that challenge. And I killed him.
Zodiac: or a diversion of sorts. yes, I remember. still have a few of those shirts in the back *grins*
Chaindog: So would you think it wise...For me...To openly challenge the Order of St. James? I know what it would do to the Masq as well.
Zodiac: well, on a personal level, they have been way too quiet as of late. perhaps someone needs to shake that tree a bit and see what falls out. on a larger level, do you think you can do this without upsetting Vel?
Zodiac: upsetting is the wrong word
Chaindog: You mean piss her off royally? No.
Zodiac: she is basically your 'commanding officer' to a point with you being in TY
Chaindog: Yes she is. And I never do anything without her OK on matters. I mean small things sure. I just tell her I'm doing it and that's it. But this...This is bigger
Zodiac: so I guess I am asking if you do this would you cause yourself issues with them
Zodiac: yes. way bigger
Chaindog: I know if I do this I would be on my own. I would state that publicly. Even remove myself from TY at the start. And I know the Order has heard of me...At least I would think that. But I'm just...~he sighed with a bit of frustration~ I need a challenge. I mean a big challenge.

[Zodiac]

--The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--

Zodiac: *nods* the best advice I could give you is not to cut yourself off so totally from what you have now, but yes-you need a positive outlet for yourself. I am afraid being my security guard doesn't fill that void at all
Zodiac: so I would say do this, but don't burn your bridges behind you in the process
Chaindog: Oh please do not think I don't love working for you. Hell you let me do things others would fire me for! But you are right. I have a void. 25 years I lived, fought, bled and died for what I believed in. Now after being away from it...Its a switch I cant keep off.
Zodiac: then we need to find a way to fill that void without destroying all you have made here for yourself. I say that because once all is done, what you have now is all you will have after.
Zodiac: so yes, make your plans, talk to Vel
Chaindog: I had a feeling you would say that. I know she is going to either jump down my throat or toss me from Ty. Unless there is another outlet. Something i've not thought of.
Zodiac: even at that, she has been too good to you to just go off without a word and do this. I think you owe her a conversation on the subject. besides, she might surprise you
Chaindog: I really do not think she will surprise me and just let me go do this. She would most likely shoot me in the *** just for thinking it.
Zodiac: and as far as I am concerned. there are no paladins in my employ any longer. I do have a sorcerer working for me, but she is not part of the order. as long as what you do does not come back to me to hurt what I have been working on you have my blessings. I will of course deny that I know you are even doing this.
Zodiac: shoot you? she does that, you tell me. I would think she would be happy someone is showing some determination. what is going on there now? bingo night and karaoke?
Chaindog: You know...I really do not know. I just stick to my hut so I don't sleep walk anymore. Im tired of being blow up
Zodiac: oh I have heard about that, you poor dear. the same thing happened to a friend of mine who came to see me in my place at Scorpia's. I forgot i put a boat load of traps outside my front door *looks sheepish*
Chaindog: Yeah well...I met someone who patched me up. Shes a pretty decent person I guess. But you are right. I will talk to Vel about this. Maybe ....Maybe she might let me go blow off some steam.
Zodiac: maybe. maybe not. at least she will know you respect her enough not to run off half cocked on something.
Chaindog: Well now would I ever do that?
Zodiac: some have in the past. I imagine she will find such honesty refreshing
Chaindog: ~he nodded and had plenty to think on and now would be a good time to do just that~ You are right. I will think on it and then talk to her. I want to approach this with care. But then again ive never been one to just tip toe into it. I might just tell her how I feel and see what she says
Zodiac: regardless, sooner or later they will be coming out of their hidey hole, so might as well deal with them on your timetable and not theirs
Chaindog: It would force them to show some of the hand at least.
Zodiac: indeed. when some of them worked for me I never had a problem with them. we never discussed the others business with each other and they worked hard for their money. but I always knew in the back of my head that could all change in a heartbeat
Chaindog: ~nods~ Maybe she might let me go undercover as it were. Let me get a feel of what they might have planned or find something out
Zodiac: *smiles* now that's the expert I know thinking
Zodiac: I should warn you tho. some of them have learned new tricks
Chaindog: New tricks, old tricks. It matters not too me. I have my tricks. I can kill at a thousand meters out or I can get in and slice your throat and you would never see it coming. Besides. Ive learned a few new tricks as well.
Zodiac: did I tell you one of them paid me a visit in my place without even being in the room?
Chaindog: No
Zodiac: a new power some of them have. I was watering my plants before coming to work and suddenly I am laying flat on the floor cause something cut my leg off. the little ******** had the guts to email me about it afterwards
Chaindog: Well that certainly is something new
Zodiac: it is. if they can reach out and hurt someone like that. well, reminds me of what you can do long range with the proper weapon
Chaindog: I will have to remember that then
Zodiac: I will admit to you, I was tottally out of sorts for a bit when that happened. I had never been injured like that before. took me 10 minutes to remember I could heal myself from something like that *looks shamefaced*
Chaindog: ~nods~ Its ok. I forget at times too. But Zo my dear...I must be off. I need to think and then talk to Vel. Ill be in tonight a bit early if thats ok?
Zodiac: of course dear. *stands up* thank you for your trust in my meager advice
Chaindog: ~he stood up and kissed her cheek~ I always come to you for advice. I know you wont steer me wrong
Zodiac: I do my best
Chaindog: Be well dear.
Zodiac: you too