Investing (Shan)

[Nyla]

--The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--

Nyla: She’d searched all of Harper Rock. Once. Twice. Three times. She’d lost count. Top to bottom. She’d gone searched the wilderness that surrounded, seeming almost not to care when the fae had found her. Sometimes they even seemed familiar, like she’d seen them before, but those thoughts were so far down on her list of priorities they were squashed down just after creation. There had to be a sign. There had to be something. She’d finish a search, find her way back home to clean up and pass out on her bed, possibly remembering to charge her phone, and then she’d be back out to look again.

It was routine now. Auto pilot worthy routine. Even the feeling of the fae taking their piece of her was becoming an almost natural thing. Still, she found no sign of the ones she sought and with each sweep she became more and more frantic, the darkness that lingered so close to her at every point pulsating closer and closer to the soul she wasn’t even entirely sure existed anymore.

It was another failed search. She was dragging *** back to her trailer, the thought process to use her tome completely gone. She was covered in bite marks and claw marks, though the skin beneath them was riddled with scar tissue that made it almost hard to tell the new from the old. It was something that would possibly upset her after she finally got her head back on straight, but for now she was a woman on a mission. Mission impossible maybe.

She paid no attention to her surroundings as she made her way towards the half bath that they used to clean up, not wanting to get all of her grime all over the ones that the thralls used for their everyday human necessities.

Shan: Rolling, twisting, falling. Flying. Diving, sinking, rolling. Shan’s dream was as vivid as the real thing, if it were possible to do such things, flying high above skyscrapers and diving into the ocean to sink to the very depths. Pressure. The pressure was still there when she sat straight up, expelling the stale air out of her lungs with one exasperated sigh. How long had she been asleep? Reaching to grasp her phone from the edge of the nightstand she shifted until she was sitting more upright, her other hand pushing loose strands to tuck them back behind her ears one at a time as she turned her phone on and squinted at it. Twenty minutes. Twenty minutes was all she had managed to get, and she grumbled to herself before shoving out of bed and slipping into a pair of comfortable grey sweat pants and a dark green wife beater tee.

Sitting on the edge of the bed she slid her finger up the phone, it glowing in her hand as she began to troll through the messages. A couple of women needing a ride home that made her chuckle under her breath - she was in no condition last night to do anything of the sort. The nights events swirled in her head and she shook it to read through the texts from her thrall next. Seraphine was either sitting on the couch upstairs, or out doing what she was supposed to be doing - intel. She was supposed to be trailing her marked victims and giving Shan information on them. She composed a message to Seraphine just as she heard someone come down the hall, though the person was way too light on their feet to be her thrall. That woman stomped around like an elephant.

Shan deduced it was probably either Nyla or Zelda, though the more that she sat there thinking about it the more she realized that she hadn't seen Zelda for quite some time now. She pursed her lips to the side - that was unusual for Sparky. Sure, she went weeks at a time sometimes before saying anything, but Shan also usually came across the woman in the sewers from time to time and in hindsight, she hadn’t recently. She got up and slid over to the door, opening it and heading into the hallway there as she reached up and pulled her hair back. She caught a glimpse of the woman heading into the bathroom; Nyla? What was the woman doing, and why was she all kinds of dirty? Shan knew the woman wasn't the type to go tromping through the sewers, and getting dirty, let alone killing the naked hunters and paladins down there.

Stopping in the doorway, she continued to put her hair up and pull it back as she spoke to Nyla. “Hey Ny. Long night?” She asked curiously, red hues surveying the woman and her dirty attire with an accusatory eyebrow raised. It wasn't normal for Nyla to look like this. To look so disheveled and unkept. Shan furrowed her brows at her then, trying to figure out what was wrong without having to ask. Sure, she couldn't figure out why she cared exactly, but she chalked it up to curiosity and finally settled her shoulder against the doorframe with her arms crossed over her chest and her hair successfully tied back.

Nyla: The words were unexpected, causing the blonde to stop her movement almost jerkily. She was unsure what to do, the words breaking the ability of her auto-pilot. Her hand went up to the elastic band that was still almost keeping her hair up in a ponytail, her lengthened nails digging into it and pulling it slowly out of her hair, along with several twigs and pieces of hair that were yanked out with the action. She turned around, just as the stupid thing was fully out of her hair, dropping it to the floor as her dark eyes met those of her housemate.

“I can’t find them… They’re just gone…” The words lacked everything. The voice was Nyla’s, but it was empty of the vital aspect of her voice that made it distinctly hers. She hadn’t mentioned it to anyone yet, the issue that was bogging down her mind. It made the emptiness almost seem to expand inside of her to actually vocalize it, even if Shan wouldn’t understand what she meant. She’d said it out loud.

They weren’t the first to leave without a trace. At least the first had sent that e-mail, the one she still hadn’t brought herself to delete. At least she knew he had left of his own accord. But where were they? Where was her notes from them? She trembled slightly, wanting to finish her routine. Shower. Sleep for days. Get up and search again.

Shan: The way Nyla was moving was like the woman was a zombie, really. Slow and robot like, as if she already knew exactly what she was going to do next, but was unsure of how she was going to do it. Shan studied her, the way she moved, the way she pulled her hair down and just how dirty it actually was. Then the words came, and Shan really couldn't help but to think that she was listening to a robot talking. They were lacking. There was something important missing from them, some kind of vigor from them that was Nyla’s, some form of emotion to them that Nyla exhibited. She pursed her lips to the side, staring then into Nyla’s darkened hues. Who was this person seemingly lost? Surely it wasn't Nyla.

She raised a calculating eyebrow at the monotone words though, blinking once before letting her head fall to the side to rest against the door frame as well. Who? Had Nyla been out searching for someone all night? Shan smirked a little, her night had been way more eventful and even fun, in her opinion. But Nyla wasnt asking her opinion, not right now, clearly not asking her to compare her night. Nyla was searching, and Shan could only deduce it was for Zelda. Thinking about it, she hadn't seen Solara around either, for even longer than Zelda. Weird. She drew her tongue out over her bottom lip and shrugged.

“Im sure they are around. You on the other hand, look like hell.” She nodded once towards the woman in front of her, as if to tell her to clean herself up. Shan thought to move into the bathroom and help the woman, but she figured if Nyla needed the help she would tell her.

Nyla: The blonde just stared. The cycle had been broken and she couldn’t seem to make herself get back to it. She was never supposed to turn around, she was supposed to have just undressed on the way to the shower, stood there until she felt mostly clean, picked up the clothes on her way to her room and then flopped face first onto her bed until she finally awoke again.

One of her hands moved to the bottom hem of her shirt as if to start to remove it, but it just hovered there strangely. Her nails were long; too long, with dirt caked under them from rooting around in the wilderness. Her head shook though, filthy blonde locks shaking in front of her as she did so. “I’ve looked. And looked. And looked.” She had to bite her lip to keep herself from saying it again. “I keep looking.” She couldn’t stop. Even standing there explaining it to Shan made her want to screw the shower and go back to her search, but she knew she needed to be clean for searching the city. It was the only reason she’d been coming back at all in between searches.

Shan: Eyebrows raised once more at Nyla, who was acting all kinds of strange. It was like the woman was unable to be anything short of empty. Shan suddenly knew exactly what Nyla was feeling, and she could only imagine the way the Allurist was handling it. Damn role reversal. She thought, reaching up to scratch a manicured nail at her earlobe. I’m blumbering over emotions in the middle of a kill, and she’s the one groping around in the empty darkness. What I would kill to have that back… But that wasn't the issue, no, the issue was that Nyla apparently needed help and couldn't see that enough to ask for her to.

Shan sighed and shook her head against the door jam, pushing off it and stepping into the bathroom. She felt… sorry, for Nyla, in that moment, the way a person feels sorry for the last pup of the litter that got left behind. She reached up and placed one hand awkwardly on the woman’s shoulder, her other hand reaching to free the twigs and leaves from the woman's hair as she smiled at Nyla. “It’ll be fine. They probably just went on vacation or something.” Sure, that was plausible.

Nyla: Her head nodded even though she didn’t really believe it. They were gone. She had failed them. Cursed them to live this life and then failed to protect them from whatever it was that had taken them. Her head bowed under the guilt of it before she shook it again, a few stray bits of debris falling to the floor as she did so. Finally, her hands moved to the bottom of her shirt again, lifting it over her head as she turned to go turn on the shower. She didn’t bother with the cold, just turning the tap for hot water as the shirt she’d been wearing dropped from her grasp.

There were gnawing and claw marks all along her sides and stomach from fae and beasts who had gotten the better of her during her searches. She barely felt them besides knowing that they were there. The ones that hadn’t quite healed yet were caked with filth - it was a good thing she was a vampire and was unlikely to contract a disease or infection.

Shan: She almost laughed at how empty Nyla seemed in that very moment. It was so sadly pathetic, that to Shan it was almost poetically funny. She shook her head and smiled, doing her best to calm the frantic wild thing in front of her. It was like Nyla was taking on a persona, and Shan knew that the woman wasn't like herself. She smirked. “Hey, you know, didn't we tie our last sparring match?” She threw that out there, trying to get the womans mind off the fact that she couldn't find people that she had grown so emotionally attached to.

Shan blinked, staring at Nyla, entirely unsure herself how Nyla would react to the random fact, and even more unsure of how she could snap the fireball that was Nyla back to the reality. Maybe the woman just needed to hear the truth. She bit into her lower lip, digging her fang in a little before she spoke, “You know immortality serves the unattached much better.” She turned her head to look at the other woman, staring at the womans face and studying it. It was something she had learned in the shadow realm, so for Shan it was simply a cold hard truth that made her immortality a gift in her eyes.

Nyla: She didn’t answer the other woman right away, instead she pushed the jeans that were practically falling off on their own anyway down and stepped under the scalding spray. The gasp that came out of her was the most emotion she’d shown yet since coming back home. The skin that was hit by the spray turned a nasty red almost immediately from the touch, but the blonde barely moved. She didn’t reach for soap or anything to aid the water, simply standing underneath the spray and moving so new areas could come into contact with it.

It didn’t take long before her entire body was that nasty red colour, though it wouldn’t last long, the skin already slowly starting to heal the slight burns. Once the water ran off of her completely clear she turned the tap back off and stepped out, letting the water drip onto the floor as she did. “Does it?” She tilted her head to the side, eyeing the woman she’d come to see as her closest friend. There was even that night it had become something else, though in the flurry of dread that followed she hadn’t been able to fully process her feelings about that.

“Have you no attachments, Shan? None at all? Is there no one that you would grieve should you all of a sudden find them gone without a trace?” Despite the words, there was no hurt in the blonde’s voice. It wasn’t quite the same monotone it had been, but the question was asked as if it had no bearing at all on the woman.

[Shan]

--The following transcript was a live chat roleplay--

Shan: Almost feeling attacked by her question, Shan squinted at Nyla. Staring. Watching. Who the hell was this person? Shan didn’t know what to do. She felt completely out of her element, the way a tropical fish gets dropped into a bucket of cold water. Shans brow raised though it was clear Shan was still trying to find out what was up with Nyla as she stood there in the doorway.

“Can’t lose what you aren’t attached to,” She shrugged, shifting her weight to grab a towel off the shelf and open it to move behind her to drape it over the woman's shoulders. “So I don’t lose them.” She smirked a bit as she narrowed her eyes once more; “Just how invested to you get with every person you meet and come across?” She shook her head, putting a hand up and waving it, “No, no, don’t answer that. Just think about how you would minimize your own pain.” She wasn’t trying to be mean, though it came off as such, Shan kept in mind that the woman was operating with a deeply emotional strain on her.

Nyla: She shook her head, uncaring of the fact that she was standing in a puddle. “They weren’t everyone I’ve ever come across. They were those I chose to keep close to me. To protect.” She crossed her arms in front of her, wincing slightly as her arms rubbed against a still healing wound on her stomach that had been aggravated by the scalding water.

“It’s more than companionship. It’s…” Her eyes closed as she thought of the right words. “Trust.” Her eyes opened back up and she gave a piercing look to the other woman. “Who would you trust to be at your back when you needed them? Who’s company would you miss if it was no longer there?” The look became gentler as she gave a slight shrug of a shoulder. “Is my being around solely for a safe place to sleep off the daylight?” Again, there was strangely no accusation or hurt in her voice as she asked. Nyla wasn’t one who kept a great many people in her circle, though she tried to be friendly. Those she considered to truly have a bond with that would cause her any sort of grief could probably be counted on one hand.

Shan: Nyla’s piercing look didn't phase Shan much, she was used to it by now, having lived with Nyla for some time now. She was sure Nyla even made weird faces in her sleep. She tipped her head to the side then, just a bit, raising a brow to insinuate her amusement in the situation. “Is it?” She asked shortly, returning the stare. If Nyla wanted to be empty, Shan would teach her exactly what that meant. And Shan was sure that if anyone couldn't handle the loneliness, it would be Nyla.

“Who am I to you, Ny? Its not about who I think you are. Its about who you think you are.” She almost rolled her eyes at that, thinking about how cliche it sounded, but she stuck with it. It was the closest thing to actually meaning what she had truly meant. “So hung up on others, not enough time for yourself.” She muttered, shaking her head and patting the woman on the shoulders once she moved around to directly in front of Nyla. “Invest. But always protect your investments. Not your friends.” She bit into her lip again. Was this even helping? Was any of this actually getting through to the Nyla that Shan knew was in there?

Nyla: The blonde smiled, though it wasn’t an entirely happy smile. “If I invest in someone, it’s because they are my friend, so protecting my investment and protecting my friends would be the same thing.” She finally moved to dry herself off with the towel Shan had placed on her shoulders, though she still wasn’t all that worried about it.

“The only people who have access to this place are me, my childer, Micah - who is like a sire to me…. and you.” She moved passed Shan then, not bothering to maneuver herself around the other woman at all, allowing her not quite dry self to brush against the other woman as she went passed towards her room. “Feel free to come continue this…” She’d thought of calling it a debate, but it wasn’t really a debate, she didn’t know what it was, so she just shrugged her shoulders before continuing on her way to her room leaving wet footprints as she went.

Shan: She smirked a little at Nyla, the woman being close minded and tunnel-visioned, though she couldn't blame Nyla for it. She was missing people that were close to her, people that she had in her corner, people that meant the world to her. Shan couldnt much relate, though she felt like she could at least fathom what the woman was feeling. She knew the empty feeling, that wasn't the hard part to fathoming how Nyla was feeling. What she was having trouble with was the fact that Nyla had feelings, and now everything was almost on auto pilot for the woman, acting like a robot without emotions just didn't suit Nyla.

Nyla headed into her room then, still pretty much dripping wet, and Shan followed. “This?” She asked herself under her breath, though she was sure that Nyla heard her. She wasn't sure what exactly this was either, but she could tell that Nyla wasn't fit to be alone right now. So she followed after the woman, watching her carefully, studying her to try to figure her out. “What I mean, is that I don't lose those I invest in. Because I don't invest in a lot of people. Minimize the damage, so to speak.” She shrugged, moving to sit on the woman's bed and lean back onto her elbows.

Nyla: She laughed, an almost genuine one, before grabbing the towel up and flipping her hair upside down so she could dry it off. Once it was at least somewhat dry she dropped it to the floor and curled up on her side beside the other woman. “Do you have that power? To keep anything from happening to those you invest in?” She stretched out some then, before moving onto her back and looking up at the ceiling. “There are things that are beyond our control.” She thought back to the night she still hadn’t fully processed and shook her head. “You can’t always be in control. Sometimes things happen, even to those we’ve… invested in.”

Shan: Red hues watched Nyla as she dried her hair, watching as she moved to beside her on the bed, turning her head to the side to look over at her as she spoke to her. Shan smiled at Nyla. She went to reply, to explain further, but Nyla only continued so she kept her mouth shut, though the smile remained. She was clearly amused, enjoying the conversation that was seemingly still on topic, shifting a little so she could look more squarely at Nyla with ease.

“You’re right. I can't always be in control. But that doesn't mean that I have a complex to control the world. More like… just my investments.” Red hues stared at Nyla’s darkened ones, and she glanced down then up again quickly before reaching up and tucking some hair back behind her ear. She tipped her head to the side then, letting it roll to the side, closing her eyes briefly before opening them again. “So what now? You keep searching?”

Nyla: She shook her head, then spoke quietly. “I think one more search might kill me….” It probably sounded dramatic, but that didn’t make it any less true. Her hands slid over some of the scarring on her stomach from her attacks from the fae. “I guess I’m just not very good at protecting my investments… I should probably stop making them.” She turned her head to the side, looking at Shan and searching for something, though she wasn’t even entirely sure what it was.

“You’re not going to disappear are you?” She wasn’t even sure what she meant by that. Disappear like her childer seemed to have done? Or did she mean something more? She should maybe finish processing her thoughts about that night… all she really knew so far was that it wasn’t something that she regretted. Except maybe the part where she accidentally stabbed Shan afterwards and then went into shock over it.

Shan: Nyla hadn't even realized that she had come to the consensus of which Shan lived by. Investments for Shan were easy to protect because she didn't make very many. But when she did, she protected them every chance she got. She made sure to stand next to them, to ensure that they always had her even if she was just a phone call away. She smiled at Ny, giving a slow nod of her head with a smug look on her face.

She raised a brow then, and gave a shake of her head after a brief moment. “I’m still here, arent I?” The words were said slightly accusingly, as if she couldn't believe that Nyla was even insinuating that she was going to up and leave with no word, but she also knew that Nyla had every right to ask the question. “Im not going anywhere, dollface.” She laid supine then, resting her hands behind her head with her fingers interlaced as she looked up at the ceiling.

Nyla: “Dollface?” She snorted, her head shaking. “I suppose. I’ve somehow managed not to get any wounds on my face yet. Wouldn’t that be a pretty sight? Great big permanent slash across my cheek. Wouldn’t be much of a dollface then.” She didn’t really care about that, though. It wasn’t just because she didn’t think she could ever get that invested in someone else again, either.

She rolled back onto her side, thinking to reach for the other’s hand but it wasn’t where she expected. Instead, she inched slightly closer and placed her whole arm over Shan’s middle. “No? Not going anywhere?” Her tone had turned mischievous and teasing at that. She was done grieving. Done searching for answers that weren’t there. Though probably not done falling apart - she knew herself well enough to know that chances are she’d do it again someday.

Shan: She didn't move when Nyla inched closer, rather just laid there, staring up at the ceiling with a small smirk on her lips. “That’d be hot.” She joked, turning her head to the side slightly to side look at Nyla. She imagined exactly what the woman had said; a giant scar across the side of the womans face. It would have been badass, if it were to ever happen. Of course Shan thought Nyla looked fine just the way she was, so a scar wouldn't have been necessary to attribute the woman to being a badass - Shan already knew better. Nyla probably would have beaten Shan in their sparring match had it not been interrupted.

“Nope.” She said simply, giving a bit of a smile before turning to look back up at the ceiling that separated the first floor from the basement. She couldn't help but to wonder if Nyla would even want her around for forever. Immortality was a gift in Shan’s eyes, but plenty of others saw it as a curse, as a never ending ****-hole life that they were doomed to. She glanced back over at Nyla. “Though, forever is a long time to put up with me.” Her words were spoken flatly and without a difference in tone as her crimson hues stared at Nyla out of the corners of her eyes.

Nyla: Her fingertips instinctively curled around the fabric of the other woman’s shirt at her answer. It was the conscious action that had her keeping them like that and deciding not to let go just yet. Shan was right. Forever was a long time. Nyla had only been a part of forever for… Jesus has it been two years?. In that time she’d already seen how fickle forever was. But that didn’t stop her from being just how she was right then. She’d handle breaking down if she had to, if it meant she could continue to hold onto who she was.

“I’ll manage. Stay?” She hadn't been aware she was about to ask it until after the word came out of her mouth. The blonde doubted that Shan would refuse her, seeing as how she hadn’t left yet. That didn’t stop the slight tinge of unease from entering her voice at the thought that she might, and Nyla would have to deal with her own company for the night. She felt better; more like herself, but that didn’t mean she was ready to be alone yet, either.

Shan: Stay. Nyla seemed to like that word, seemed to like to ask the woman to do that, to stay with her until god knew how long. Shan rolled her eyes with a bit of a smirk on her lips, of course she would stay. She was comfortable, and had only managed twenty minutes of sleep before she had awoken and found Nyla in the bathroom. She wondered if Nyla would ever ask her the important things, and if then, they would matter. Like where Shan went every night, or why she always was throwing out clothing soaked from head to toe in blood.

“Mm’not going anywhere.” She arched a brow at Nyla, “Just said that.” A soft scoff was pushed through her nose and she moved the arm closest to Nyla to outstretch, giving the woman something more than a pillow to lay on. Shan didn't mind the closeness, and if Nyla wanted it, all the better for her. She let her eyes trail the womans body again, scar after scar riddling the once soft perfectly smooth skin, bites and claw marks swirling and dancing along. Shan brought her eyes back up and looked once more up at the ceiling. Sure she was tired, but she also didn't want to wake up like she just had done, in a flurry and startled. Shan never liked being startled and it usually ended up with someone being stabbed.

Nyla: She didn’t need any encouragement to move herself even closer to the other woman, letting her head rest on the offered arm. “Well. I was talking about two different things now, wasn’t I?” She squirmed, worming her way as close as possible to Shan’s side before sighing softly and relaxing completely. “Before I was asking… in general. This was...specific.” She shrugged her shoulders, then quickly moved them back to the comfortable position she’d found.

She kind of wanted a blanket - it was an odd sort of comfort to sleep with a blanket, even when it wasn’t needed… But she thought that perhaps what she had now was better than any blanket.

Shan: Specific or not, Shan had meant it all the same, an altogether similar context without a dual purpose of the words. She wasn't going anywhere. Right now, she found she was perfectly content in the moment and the closeness of Nyla at her side made her smile as the other scooted up into her side and maintained clung there. It reminded Shan a little of a baby, the way Nyla was seeking closeness and that all around needy nature, but Shan just smiled and nudged a kiss to the woman's head as she brought her arm up to curl around Nyla and rest her hand on the woman’s scarred shoulder. She would be there for Nyla, as Nyla was there for her when it had seemed her own world had fallen apart. It was the least Shan could offer.