Shan -Journal-

[Shan]

Monday, July 29th, 1:56pm

This world is so much more colorful than the other realm. It's like a paint canvas that an artist abused with a full pallet of colors; stinging the eyes until they are forced to adjust. The darkness was easy, sinking into the black void in body and mind, and falling devoid of petty emotions that once controlled me. Spending nearly the entirety of the last two years there, my mind has fractured and broken, my killer instinct growing to that of astounding proportions, owning the majority of my thoughts and body as I floated through the realm exposed to nothing but black. It was enough to grow my level of insanity, each time returning to this world a little more crazy, causing me to step on laws and get sent back at the hands of another in our race - with no one to blame but myself... My anger for myself is not possibly trumped by anyone else at this point.

This world is hard, forcing me to actually acknowledge being somebody, accept what few emotions I do have, and understand how they are to work in my now fractured mind. Interraction is the most difficult, contact with my physical body is impossible as it instantly reminds me of where I am, who I am to be in this now significant place I am to call home. I do not need interaction, not in the least bit, but I have come to conclude in the two years spent alone with nothing but my own thoughts that one should not live that way if they do not have to.

I have been told I do not have to, and I believed those words, the slight glimpse of pure emotion that crossed behind those silver eyes confirmed the truth in such a statement to me last night. There are many things I regret, but reaching out last night will never be one of them, of that I am positive. The first step has been taken, the chance finally given that should have never been refused, but they say this lifetime is forever... And I will not waste away this time. I cannot. I will prove to be the loyal childe I once was, even if I am broken, something broken can always be fixed with time and persistence.

[Shan]

Shan strolled down the street, trying to walk in as many shadows as she could; sure she had the daywalker ability, but that didnt mean she liked the sun still. Even though it was slowly setting and not burning her, she still wasnt used to it... her time in the shadow realm had certainly taken its toll on her. She was slowly adjusting though - and even managed to meet one of her siblings just the other day, something she hoped would make Velveteen happy at least. She idly remembered the meeting of Jordan as she walked along, remembering how it started she felt a small sly smirk tug at the corners of her mouth. "Was there something I can help you with, or are you just some kind of mute?"

One of the first things she had said to her little brother, she still couldnt believe he took the time to try to get to know her after that remark to him. How intriguing to her he was though she would never outwardly admit to that; she had a hard shell and constantly felt the need to maintain it. Walking directly through a group of people, her presence commanded they move out of her way as she walked with her shoulders back and her head held high. Remembering the next part in their conversation, she actually smiled coyly at his words and her response. "Its an honour to meet you." "Well of course its an honour, I'm me, how could it not be?" She chuckled and shook her head, lowering it for a second as if to hide her moment of emotion, righting her head as her simple coy smirk returned.

He had taken to her it seemed in that instant, and because of that the two actually had a seat and conversed in a normal conversation; which Shan found was surprising to her - not to the fact that someone had taken interest - but more to the fact that she had been able to sit and actually have a conversation with him and not scare him away with her cold, harsh way of words. She wasnt always like this, her time before the shadow realm had shown a little more softer Shan Garreth, someone who had at least had of sense of caring and an understanding of emotions. Though this was not that Shan. She had grown into a true Killer, one with little to no emotion, one that cared very little of that around her and was only in this world for one reason and one reason only. To make her sire proud. She felt deep down that she owed Velveteen that much, that she simply couldnt fail her another time.

Incurring her multiple masquerade violations by raising her bounty level too high, Shan had died seven times over the last two years, her last stint in the Shadow Realm being shy of just a full years length. She had wallowed away in the darkness, her own personal hell as she loathed every other soul and spirit she had come across there; attacking everyone she came across due to that strong loathing within her. Because of that she was sure she had made many enemies, and that only made her smirk grow, idly thinking quickly Bring it on. Sure, she held the short end of the stick in powers and skill, but what she lacked in skill she excelled in with a little experience and pure persistence.

Drawing a deep breath of dusk air, her pupils dilated slightly at a key scent that was not so far off, cold blood red killer eyes narrowing on the woman who had just become her new prey about a block up. The human had a certain scent about her, one that Shan simply couldnt help but enjoy; the woman unfortunately tonight had taken the wrong way to walk home. Quickening her pace, she walked more closely up to the woman, nearly stalking her as her tongue slid out and over her lower lip to moisten it quickly. She was hungry, and only this womans blood would satiate her in this very instance. Noticing the sun had finally gone down past the buildings, Shan felt more comfortable now as she decided to make her move. She reached a hand up, extending it as one of her nails turned into a razor sharp claw and she sliced clean through the side of the womans purse. Its contents fell out and spilled across the concret, Shan stopping as the woman did and frowning.

"Oh dear, your stuff..." She spoke up, moving to help her pick it up by taking a knee next to the majority of the items. Grabbing up a small case of makeup, and the womans phone, she looked over at the woman who had taken a knee next to her and started picking up things as well. "Oh, thank you. Thats very kind of you Miss." Shan almost growled at the womans words. She hadnt even let her bother call her sis; insisting that he call her Shan. Not sis, not sista, not hey you. She hated when people gave her nicknames. Her name was Shan, always was, always would be. Maintaining a soft smirk, she simply nodded to the woman, handing over the stuff to pick up more for her. "Its no problem. The names Shan." She added with her best smile, one that probably either looked warm, or creepy, or both. "Shan. Thats a pretty name." Shan nodded in approval, though she was dying of laughter inside. Pretty? Are you ******* kidding me? Hahahahaha. Its the name of a killer, you dumb *****! She stood once all the objects were picked up, pointing to a small pawn shop that looked open still. "I think they are still open. They might have a bag for you to put your stuff in?" She idly thought about how she was helping this human, just to keep her bounty down, not just grabbing her and feeding off her in public like she would have two years ago.

"Oh, yes! That would work just fine." The human smiled kindly, and started making her way to the shop, holding her things in her purse with a hand holding the spliced portion together as best she could to her side. Shan followed after her, not letting the woman out of her eyesight, not letting her prey slip so easily through her fingers. She silently wished she had some power of persuasion... this would have been so much easier, and she wouldnt have had to put on this stupid facod. "Whats a beautiful woman such as yourself doing walking through this part of town alone at a time like this anyways?" She asked, easily sliding up next to her. "Oh, Im on my way home." Shan laughed inside again. Not anymore. She stepped in front of the woman to stop her from going into the store. "I'll get it for you, just wait here." Yay for gaining trust, she thought, sliding into the store and up to the counter. "I need a bag. Now." Her cold blood red hues stared at the shopkeeper, and he did as instructed, handing over another purse. "I dont want any trouble...." His hands were shaking as she took the purse and simply turned to walk out. "Lucky for you, I've found someone already." She chuckled and slipped out the door, holding the new purse open for the woman to dump the contents from the old one.

"Thank you so much. You're very kind." Raising her eye brows at that, Shan almost laughed. Almost. "Its no problem at all miss. Dont worry about it. Now, which way is home for you? I might be going the same way, I could accompany you." She lied almost expertly, watching the human point off to the north. "Its that way." She smiled, that same almost creepy smile. "Thats perfect! Im headed that way too. Is it on Boulevard, or just off it? I know a shortcut." More lies, laying the bed for her prey, luring her to a more inconspicuous area being the main idea. That and Shan just liked to lie. "Oh, really? It is, actually, just off Boulevard. That would be perfect, really. Lead the way Shan." She did, taking the lead, though only staying about a half step ahead of the woman as she led her up the street, blood red hues scanning the street constantly as if she were looking for other vampires that might get an idea in their head. She had claimed this woman as her prey tonight, and because of that, she would most certainly not allow another to take her from her.

Not seeing anyone else, Shan cut the corner and pointed down a semi lit alley. "Its down this way. I know its dark but if we stick together we should be fine." She insisted, slipping her arm around the womans mid-back and leading her down the alley. The second she felt they were deep enough into the alley and just about the middle of it, Shan tightened her hold on the woman and led her to a brick wall. "What are you doing? That hurts." Shan snarled. "Shut up *****, before I change my mind and decide to kill you." It was like she had switched something on, or rather switched off, all emotion and human nature leaving her body in that instant. Blood red eyes narrowed as she pushed the woman against the wall, bringing both hands up to her shoulders and holding her there. "What are you doing?! I'll scream!" Shan laughed. A cold, heartless, evil laugh. "Go ahead. It'd make this more interesting." She reared back, baring fangs before instantly driving them into the womans throat, sinking until they found a vein. She muffled a moan against the skin, just before the woman screamed out and tried to bring a knee up to Shan's gut, her hands flailing and clawing at Shan's sides.

Not wanting to make an absolute mess of things, Shan growled into the bite and used her body to pin the woman to the wall, one knee pressing against the womans thigh to deter her from trying to bring it up again; hands slid down shoulders to restrain the woman against the cold brick. She drank, allowing the womans warm sweet essence to slide down her throat and fill her hungry stomach as the woman stopped screaming. Feeling the womans heartbeat slow, she finally withdrew her fangs with a roll of her eyes. I thought she had more in her than that. Pity. She sealed the womans wounds with a flick of her tongue against them, pulling back to stare at her prey with cold dead eyes. The woman was dazed, hazy eyed as she mumbled something about a 'monster'. Shan smirked and leaned in, whispering in the womans ear as she let her hands go but stayed pinned to her. "I could show you a monster gorgeous... just be glad I didnt shift. They'll lock you in a mental hospital for sure." She finally edged back an inch or so, hands at the womans sides as she guided the dazed human to the ground. Staring down at her as she stood upright again, she brought the back of a hand to wipe the womans blood from her lips.

Drawing a deep breath, Shan had the sudden urge to kill this human. To rip her throat out, to force her into the plane of death that she herself had been stuck in for a year. Sighing that breath out she quelled that thought instantly, knowing that if she did kill this human, her bounty would most likely rise as someone was sure to see her leaving the alleyway and give her description when asked. ******* bounty. She rolled her eyes and shoved her hands into her pockets, strolling out of the alleyway as she walked past a busboy that had just entered the alley through a back door. Shan didnt care if he saw her, the only fact that mattered to her was that the woman wasnt dead, just dazed. That fact alone was more than enough to make Shan purse her lips. She was a killing machine, built to murder, built to rip life apart with her bare hands. Not let some measly human live. But she had been instructed to stay off the bounty list, and this time she was more determined than ever to do so. If not for Vel, if not for Jordan, she would have killed that human in a heartbeat. Just thinking about that made her scrunch her nose. Since when did she care about anything? Since she learned she had a family to lean on upon returning from the shadow realm. That upset her, and yet it inspired her. How odd.

Feeling not so hungry anymore, Shan went looking for some trouble to stir up. She pulled her handgun from around her back where it had been safely tucked away, ejecting the clip to check it, shoving it back in as she was satisfied at the soft click that reassured her it was properly loaded. Maybe she'd run into a gangster, or a hitman tonight, either of which would satisfy her urge to kill, give her a good enough reason to take human life. Ironic, she thought, that she needed a reason that would appease humans. Some gangster? Who cared about them. Certainly not some cop. They'd probably write it off as a gang hit, and that made Shan smirk lightly at herself. Hey, there was always an upside to things. Cutting another corner she headed to a worse part of town, one could tell by the change in scenery as more and more gang tags riddled the now abandoned houses and buildings, broken windows and overgrowth around them giving off the impression that no one lived there. Though she knew better, she could hear people inside them and see the soft glow of fire probably from a metal barrel. Homeless people. She could have killed one of those, but they just didnt trike her fancy as much as that female had before, so Shan settled for what had excited her. Feeling that emotion was probably the only thing left she had in this world in terms of her humanity, and she lived for it, her own personal drug of choice.

Coming up on a group of gang members, Shan ducked behind the corner of a building and watched them with cold blood red killer eyes. She'd easily settle for the group of them, though she wanted a little more than just a clean kill with a couple bullets to the head, her deadeye power allowing that to be possible. No, she wanted something more, something a little deeper to satisfy her new found hunger. Torture. She watched as two decided to stray from the group and walk up the street, smirking that evil coy smirk of hers. That would do quite nicely, she thought, ducking out from behind the building with her gun held lightly at her side. She followed them, taking care to not be seen by the other group the two had strayed from, crossing the street to turn the corner they had turned as she silently wondered if she was out of earshot from the group yet. Not caring either way, she slid up behind one of the men and pulled the trigger with her gun pointed clean at the back of his head, then instantly switch to point her gun at the other who was reaching for his. "Go ahead, smart guy." She taunted him, silently hoping he would pull his gun on her just so she could shoot him dead right there.

Though he did pull his gun out, he moved to set it on the ground as she rolled her eyes. "What do you want?" He asked pretty calmly, considering his friend had just been shot point blankly in the back of the head. "Well you're no fun." She smirked coyly, raising her chin up as her eyes filled with the thrill of murder. "Your soul, of course." She stated blandly, lowering the gun to his kneecap and firing off two rounds. One passed right through, the second hit dead center in his cap and as it shattered the thick bone the man fell over in a fit of wails and screams. Thats got to hurt. She thought, grinning an evil grin at him. "Yes, scream." She spoke above his cries in a harshly cold tone, "Tell me it hurts." The man looked at her like she was crazed, as if she had just killed his unborn child. She snickered and then drew another deep breath, the scent of the blood from both of them filling the now crisp night air. It thrilled her, satisfied her hunger for torture as she simply watched him writhe in pain. Suddenly hearing a group of people coming up on them, she figured the rest of the gang had heard the shots and came running, so she pointed the gun to his face and grinned her torturous grin. "Thank you." Though she meant it, it was spoken as coldly as possible as she pulled the trigged and the man stopped moving instantly. Mmmm. She thought, just before dashing off through the other side of the alley and tucking her gun safely away behind her back, pulling her shirt over it as best as she could.

Just as she reached the other side, she slowed her pace, walking out from behind the building and turning the corner as if she had just come from a party or something. Drunk on the feeling in her veins, she staggered slightly before tipping her head back and letting out a loud, evil laugh that echoed through the street. Several people looked at her, and she simply gave them a creepy smile as she shoved her hands back into her pockets and headed for Velveteen's apartment. She had gotten blood on her, only a little, but still. She never was one for making a mess of things, and that urked her that she had splatter on her arms and clothes, that she needed to wash them immediately so the blood didnt stain them. I like this shirt, too. Dammit. She sighed and crossed the street, heading up and across another street to get onto the transit. Taking a seat she crossed her legs at their ankles and stretched out, leaning her head back and closing her eyes. The night was far from over, and she was determined to have it end in a good one just as it had started.

[Shan]

Shan

The moonlight bounced off the sidewalk like a muted disco ball. Every imperfection on display for all the world to see, the slums of Harper Rock run down, each slab of poured concrete cracked and uneven as her footsteps plodded against them one at a time. The night wasnt much different as to how it was treating her than any other night; people finding their way away from her like second nature, animals finding themselves doing the same. She had grown used to it by now after experiencing the seemingly natural alienation. What she hadn't grown used to was the way she was feeling.

Pushing a thumb up to her exposed temple, she squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head roughly. The overwhelming pressure there was disabling, her steps faltering ever so slightly as she caught herself with her free hand, her palm finding a cold hard brick wall to steady herself once again. It was like she was an empty bowl sitting in a sink, the faucet on and continuously filling the bowl even though it was already full.

Shan blinked a couple more times, giving her head another rough shake, waving her hand at a guy passing by. "Hey babe you alright?" He was clearly enamored. "Get lost." She growled at him, but he didnt seem to get the picture. "Oh come on, you look like hell. Lemme help." The pressure in her head swelled and the growl that left her throat was most definitely inhuman. "If you don't turn around right now..." She didn finish the sentence as her blood red hues dashed up to meet his icy drunken blue ones. He had his hands up, but he wasnt walking away still. Okay, she'd spell it out for him.

Teeth and fangs all grew, elongated and sharp, quickly. Baring them at him, two clean rows of sharp lion like fangs gleamed in the moonlight. She reached and fisted the front of his shirt, pulling him in close until she could tell exactly what the male had been drinking - all nine different kinds of liquor. This only enraged Shan further, flashing back to another empty bottle being hurled at her head by her drunken mother, dodging it and cleaning up the room at the same time as a frail little nine year old who couldn't do anything right to save her own skin.

She shoved the horrified male away, though all that did was knock the drunkard over, the look in her red eyes crazed as she stared at him, her hand planted to the brick wall slowly sliding down and off as she turned to stand over the guy. "Wh-wh-what are y-y-you?!" She smirked then, though the look in her eyes remained the same as she pounced, pinning the guy to the glittering sidewalk from the moonlight. Leaning in so she could whisper in his ear, she closed her hand around his throat and squeezed.

"I'm the ******* angel of death." She informed, before giving a sharp flick of her wrist effectively snapping his neck as the sound of the twisting bone on bone and ripping tendons echoed softly in her ears. Letting all the air our of her lungs as if the fresh kill had her holding her breath, she stared down at the man she had just murdered, the look of fear evident but fading along with the males very soul in that moment.

She grunted and stood, feeling a little better, looking around for any potential witnesses that could have seen her evil-doings. Nothing stood out, her keen eyes for intruders not spotting any within decent range to even know the guy was dead let alone that she was his killer. Good. The last thing she needed was another hard headed relentless detective on her heels. And for a kill that wasnt even her M.O. to top it off. She couldn't help but think how pathetically embarrassing it would have been to get caught for killing some drunk while all the women she had killed never went solved. If she was certain of one thing and one thing only, it was that if the police ever caught her, it would be for her artwork and not some drunk who couldn't mind his own business.

Looking back to the body, she rolled her eyes. Grabbing him by his still warm hand she drug him into the nearest alley, sitting him up against the wall and pushing him so he would stay, her eyes locked with his again. Empty. Soulless. Gone. He was dead. The pressure in her head returned as she stepped back from him quickly, sliding into the dark shadows that the alley offered from the looming building, staring. Her back hit the wall and her head thudded against it, her eyes rolling up and back into her head that was clutched heavily between palms and whitened fingertips that dug into her skull.

Get a grip Shan.

Her thoughts didnt echo in her mind though. Instead, they were swallowed whole; the pressure driving the sane thoughts down and out entirely until she couldn't handle it any longer. Shan wasnt used to feeling. She hit a knee, dirtying her faded glory jeans that looked like they had seen World War Two. "Grrr-ahhhh!" She cried out, curling into herself as she struggled to contain her emotions. Why now? Why had they surfaced now, after all this time? She needed to get rid of them. She needed to kill. Bathe in blood, there was no other way. She grunted once more and got back to her feet, pushing off the wall and heading back out into the street.

'Ruff, ruff, grrrrr, ruff!' Shan stopped, turning to see a scraggly dog in the middle of the street, it's fur on edge and standing straight up along its back as it stood its ground. She furrowed he brows at first, waving at him with both backs of her hands. "Go on, get." But the pup didnt let up, continuing in its threatening barks until Shan crossed her arms over chest and took a step towards it. The howls from the scared dog echoed all along the street then, the fronts of buildings and the narrow driving road assisted as Shan clenched her jaw. She needed to shut him up lest the whole city be on alarm. Reaching for her blade and pulling it from the sheath at her hip, she smirked, giving her own growl before lunging for the loud dog.

The fight wasnt long. The dog was old, and Shan had made quick work of him, her blade slicing deep into his neck but not until after he got a bite in on her forearm. She cleaned off her blade and put it back, standing to survey the damage, not caring that she had blood all over her shirt and jeans from the hand to hand. "******* mutt." She cursed it, kicking at it, though the pain in her arm was already subsiding. She left the dog, making her way up the street, ducking into an alley at the sight of two people heading her way. Thy were probably drunk too, or some form of messed up, as they made their way right past the alley Shan was lurking in. She drew her blade once more, the short sword gleaming in the moonlight as she waited for them to pass, then moving quietly up behind one of them and reaching to grip their shoulder, turning the guy dressed to the nines right into her blade. It sank, her hand holding the handle firmly as she pulled him more towards her, burying the blade deeper and deeper, staring him deep in his dark brown eyes to watch his soul leave his body before jerking the blade free. The woman he had been escorting let out a high pitched blood curdling scream as Shan let the guy go and he slumped to his knees then to his back and side, sprawled out dead as his essence flowed out and around him to stain the black pavement darker. Her blood red eyes shifted slowly to the screaming woman, her blade held up as she smirked evilly at the beautiful terrified woman.

"Run."

It was a simple command, and spoken in the most even tone Shan could muster with the pounding in her head, and yet it was clear the woman didnt understand. Shan stared at her, pointing down the dark desolate street with her blade. "Run!" She yelled then with a bit of a growl, and the woman's eyes went wide as she realized what Shan wanted - a hunt. But the woman didnt stay stationary for long, grabbing fist fulls of her dress and turning to run, breaking a heel in the process. She fell, turned and twisted as she started to crawl and scramble, doing whatever she could to get away from Shan. "God, please... Oh god..." The woman started spewing prayers then, and Shan stood there watching her, curiosity dashing in her red eyes.

"How can you think praying will help." She shook her head then, moving to stalk the woman, moving around her in circles as the blade switched from one hand to the next. She finally stopped, the woman putting a hand out that Shan easily batted away as she planted her knee square on the woman's chest. Crack, snap. Shan smirked as she heard ribs break, the woman's eyes got wide before she drew in what breath she could and screamed again, flailing manicured nails up at Shan and clawing her across the face leaving three deep, thin lined bloody trails down her cheek.

Clenched jaw muscles rippled as she got angry at the futile fight under her; leaning in and pressing the flat of her blade to the woman's throat. "There is no god. Only the angel of death." How many people did she have to tell before they would believe her? The woman under her gurgled another prayer, and Shan clicked her tongue on the roof of her mouth before making one quick motion with her hand, effectively slicing the woman's throat as blood sprayed all over the front of her. Blood. Another exhaled breath before standing and looking around once more, squinting. Headlights? Great. she thought bitterly, putting her sword away once more before repeating the process of grabbing warm hands and dragging the couple into the nearest alleyway.

She flung open the dumpster there and made quick work, tossing one body in then the next, making sure to check the guys pockets and grab the woman's handbag before heading through the maze of alleys that led her away from the car that would be rolling up on a slaughtered dog in the middle of the street soon enough. It would keep them occupied long enough for Shan to head home and clean up, and maybe get some sleep. The sky was quickly turning into a light beautiful mix of violet and lavender, which meant Shans fun filled night was close to an end.

She grumbled to herself as she pressed her thumb into her temple again, the pressure rising once more that was the swell of emotions she couldn't control any longer. Spotting the trailer park she pushed her way to it, mangled arm in tow as she crossed to trailer three and made her way inside. She didnt bother to kick her shoes off before heading to the hidden stairs and down them, turning the corner and making her way to the small bathroom there as she finally started stripping down.

Sliding under the hot steaming water it immediately ran bright red as the blood mixed with it in the tub at her feet. She stared down at it, flashing back to a memory of her mother for the second time that night. The woman was bent over the tub, crying as her thick mascara ran down her cheeks as if for dramatic effect in the situation; Shan a kid in the tub and bleeding from a nasty gash on her forehead. "I'm so sorry, baby." Was all her mother kept saying to her.

"Shan?" The voice at the door startled her as she blinked and shook her head. "What?" She replied, the irritation in her voice evident even over the sound of the running shower. There was silence for a moment, and then a response. "Never mind." Seraphine sulked off, probably to go play some video games or something. If Shan wanted anything out of the woman it was for her to get better at rituals, not shooting insurgents and racing top of the line cars. She rolled her eyes and turned in the shower, leaning against the wall as she let the water cascade over her and wash her clean.

Finally she stepped from the shower, grabbing the towel and using it, heading to her room in the process of drying the side of her head. Dumping her bloodied clothes in the trash on the way, she fished her phone from her pocket first and sent Seraphine a text. She simply fell into her bed sprawled out with her face buried in her pillow. She didnt need the sleep really, she had slept in so she wasnt really all that tired, but the pressure in her head had her rolling over and staring at the ceiling with one forearm draped over her forehead.

"What the ****." She muttered under her breath, drawing in a deep breath just to let it right back out, her crimson hues closing as she laid there, thinking. Contemplating as she drifted off to sleep.

If killing isn't going to help... It has to. I'm a killer. It's in my blood now. Jesus hell. What the hell am I supposed to do now. **** was easier when I didnt care. Why now? I didn't even know that guy... ******* drunk. He deserved it... They all did.