I'm not who you think I am... ~Journal~

[Kira]

February 15th-28th 2014

Kira ignored all e-mails that came in, she wasn't in the wrong. If they wanted to keep being assholes then that was their business, she had done nothing other than confront the coward. The next series of e-mails was confusing, it was from someone she knew, well barely knew. Maybe it was more of knew of. She had no idea why she was being mind blocked because of her. It made no sense at all. "Damn the owl turds are pathetic bunch. Randomly pick someone to pick on cause...well no, no reason at all." she mused out loud.

And then there was David. Damn she hated him so much. Supposedly he'll sign the papers after 15 trails. That's a bunch of ********. She looked at her phone, staring at Windy's name. He would help kill David, but it wouldn't change anything would it even if they kept killing him. She closed her eyes, of course then she would be seen as working with a paladin and killed herself. Maybe she should just cut off his legs and arms, that would be pleasurable enough. She would be stuck in this marriage for as long as a human lives and the thought made her sick. She didn't want to be tied to that man like that, it was bad enough for him to be her childe.

She didn't understand why she was fated for such misery. What exactly did she do in her previous life? Or hell, even before she woke up.

Another Night

Kira titled her head at the movie. She wasn't sure what it was called, she hadn't even seen the whole thing but she was watching a man cut into another man and stated he would no longer be able to move but he would feel everything. His head was then stuck in an open microwave, which must have been rigged to work with the door open. He turned the thing on and left. The man's head exploded. No big loss, the man was a rapist and a murder. But it made Kira wonder if that would really work. Many things she saw in gory movies made her wondering if it could happen.

Her wraith simply stated, don't try this at home. They must have known the wheels in her head had been turning. Kira sighed and turned the TV off, she had other things to be doing right now.

Another Night

Kira was trying to come up with something new for the lounge to do but it didn't rely on the Beef Cakes this time. She liked this sword dancing, though some of it was belly dancing with swords. It appealed to her because of the swords. It wasn't much different then what she did in private. When she was training, playing out a battle in her head, it was a dance, a deadly dance with blades.

Video 1

When Kira asked Dru about doing a sword dance with her and showed her a dance video of it.

Video 2

Dru told her no, her body didn't bend that way. Kira frowned, she wasn't sure if she really wanted to do it alone. Things like the first video sure but not the second.

Kira pulled her notebook over to work on lyrics for a song instead. So much for a sister act.

[Kira]

Start of March 2014

Kira stared at the computer screen. She really hadn't done a journal entry in some time. Her thoughts were everywhere a lot but maybe she needed to straighten them out.

Her slender fingers flew over the keyboards, finding it helpful to do it this way than writing it out in her mind. She also could make sure that it was locked up tight on her computer.

---

I sired someone. How does one simple night turn into this? I'm still not sure why I helped him. Maybe because not so long ago I was homeless and alone. Well, at the shelter there had been plenty of people but yeah...I kind of miss those cage fights. Man could I kick some *** now.

Back on topic. What was bad was being outed as a vampire by my pendulum. Maybe I shouldn't have told him that he could ask questions inside his head so if it was a question I did not want answered I could have stopped it. What done is done I suppose. Then there was that damn fadebeast. If it hadn't been a new moon it would have been fun, if he hadn't been there as well. Well, he hadn't been there I might have been beast food but I don't know. I had to turn him. His job wasn't done. See he sold his soul to me for a cheeseburger. Now the slave is now my childe. Fate is weird.

Though there is something going on with him. Something about being stripped of emotions when I'm not around. I've never heard of someone's emotions being so dependent on someone else. Can the bond of a sire and childe really do that? He's a killer but I know not to take the stereotypes seriously. And if he was emotionless it would be all the time, not just when I'm not around. Here's hoping he grows out of it I guess.

I told him to stay out of my room. I'm used to Dave waking me up now during a nightmare, but that doesn't mean he doesn't get punched for it once in awhile. Someone without a heartbeat might end up stabbed.

Guess I should add that I have changed some more. I can now have wings. It only happened once and I'm not sure how to get it to happen again without jumping off a roof which knowing my luck it wouldn't trigger it and I'd end up with some broken legs. It would seem Windy has went through a change as well. He has some kind of wind power, I don't know. Didn't think he was like the magic people, not that paladins don't seem like 'magic' but..I don't know. Even the magic people I didn't think had those kind of powers then again I don't know what all the magic humans can do.

---

Kira stopped, she looked around. She was highly paranoid that a wraith was like reading over her shoulder. It was no wonder she stopped writing this. She quickly closed down the computer. It was time for her to go to the lounge anyway and teleported out.

[Kira]

March 2014


Kira was carefully making more runes for her shop. Not that she was able to focus on it completely. She had a lot on her mind. She wasn't sure what to do with Reggie, he was far too devoted to her and then he also declared his love for her. He didn't know her. He knew a lot of her flaws but there was still more. No one could truly love her. It must be a crush that would fade away after he gets used to this world of vampires.

Dave didn't seem like he wanted to come by much anymore, and she had to wonder if it had anything to do with the information on her that he spilled. No she wasn't happy about it but she wasn't going to hurt him over it.

She got up and put the runes in the oven to bake. Though she was hopeful that the research that they did on getting a divorce when one spouse did not want it, would work. It looked promising.

---

Start of April 2014

Damn that man. After all of this time he finally signed the damn papers. Kira had killed a few gangsters after that, the urge to hunt them was too great. She let that side of her take over again. It most likely felt good but she couldn't really tell, there was an enjoyment to it of course.

She sat in her temple, focusing on calming down. She closed her eyes. She was finally free, that's all that mattered. It shouldn't have happened in the first place, it shouldn't have taken so long to end it either. She wished she could have beaten him down. Oh well.

She opened her eyes, she had things to do. She wasted enough time thinking about someone who didn't care about her.

[Kira]

April 8th, 2014

When Kira closed her eyes that day, she ended up in her Inner World. "Well, this can't be good." she said softly. This place normally did not bring good things. She reached for a weapon but found none. Crap.

"No need to be alarmed right now Kira." a gently voice said.

"Kaley..?" Kira said, this version of her was far different from Warrior. It was what she deemed a Priestess would have acted like, Warrior was just...hell bent on fighting. Those two parts of her used to be together, supposedly she was that balance but it seemed like Warrior always won over her heart and mind. She wished there was more of a balance.

Kaley smiled, "She is rather powerful. I'm not sure why. Maybe it is the guarded unloved life you have lived so far?" she said. No that wasn't true, there were many lives like that. "You are the balance Kira. I am sorry that I can not be of more help...just remember you are in control, not her."

"Easy for you to say." Kira muttered, there was a primal growl and arrow shot through Kaley who only disappeared. Kira on the other hand got an arrow to the chest, she fell back into the well and fell into the darkness.

Kira woke up with a start. She held up a ball of light, double checking her shadow to make sure she wasn't about to get attacked by it or something.

Not wishing to go back to sleep now, Kira got out of bed and went downstairs. Taking out a book on plants and sat down across from a flower that was dying for no reason. Water, food, sunlight. She even put it in a bigger pot and nothing helped. She didn't see any sign of bugs or illness. She didn't know what else to do for it. She touched it lightly, it was most likely too late to save now anyway.

She yawned softly, putting her head down on the table, still staring at the book. What could she have done differently? Her eyes closed.

Kira woke some time later, rubbing her eyes. She blinked, staring at the plant now. It was perfectly healthy now. "What the.." she said. Did someone replace it while she was asleep?

[Kira]

April 12th, 2014

Kira had to keep her mind busy, off of what was going on. She was taking a break from the Misfits, if they all wanted to take David's side, fine. She didn't have to read it. Finding time to herself was starting to become rare though as Reggie was always around. She wasn't used to having someone so involved in her life. She closed her eyes, she wished his little crush would have faded by now but it didn't.

She looked up at the moon, it was almost full. It was the best time of the month as far as she was concerned. She returned to the house that she used as a music studio, picking up her guitar and paced the room with it as she started to play some music.

"You always want what you can't have. You want me, you want everyone else. Take take take, never give. You'd keep me in a cage if it meant I would never be happy. You're so controlling. I can't be tamed. Even when I tried to understand you, your eyes did nothing but wonder. I won't be locked away any longer, I need to be free.

I'll break these chains. I'll find someone who truly cares about me. You never cared, oh you never cared about me. I don't know if I can trust. I might be too far damaged now but at least I'm free of you.

Gone, gone, I want you gone. If I could snap my fingers and make you disappear, wouldn't that be heaven. You can't control me, you can't lock me up. Goodbye to you.." she sang.

She pushed the notes aside on the piano, she had plenty of songs but none of them finished. Though they would just go in a shelf somewhere. Unless it was something she was working on for the lounge, it had no value other than to let her vent. She ran her fingers over the strings, just started to rock out.

[Kira]

April 13th, 2014

Kira sat in front of her computer, doing research on some music. Ideas popped in her head, but mostly she was enjoying listening to the music. She found the groups that sung only cappella rather amazing. Rockapella, Straight No Chaser were at the top. Then there was this newer group Pentatonix, they were very good. She stalked their youtube for anything new. She smirked, over a year ago, she didn't even know what youtube was.

She tilts her head. "The things that guy can do with his mouth." she said, referring to the dark man. Was his name Kevin? She should really pay attention to their names. The bass guy could do a decent beat to.

"My that sounds dirty.." Marcus mused.

Kira's eyes widened. "I was talking about music!" she snapped. "This whole beatbox thing. Doesn't even seem humanly possible, but there are people with this talent."

"Strange talent." Marcus replied, music sure has changed over the years.

Kira ignored him as she caught up with her favorite unsigned artists. Simon Curtis and Ro Danishei, they had some songs together which was how she learned about Ro but now they made a group together. It was perfect as far as she was concerned, the record companies were rather stupid for not snatching these two up. They had a large following. She hoped they planned on a whole album soon as she watched the music video of Fall Into Love

She leaned back into her chair, an cappella group would be fun but she wasn't sure if there were enough people to do such things or who would be interested. Not that she was used to singing with other people. She would just stick with solo acts she suppose.

"Hmmm.." Kira got up from her chair, humming as she headed to the door and went to for a walk to her studio to work on something.

[Kira]

April 15th, 2014

Kira laid a blanket outside in the backyard, she just laid there, sprawled out like a cat, staring up at the full moon. "I need your help." she said to the sky, closing her eyes. This was a time to recharge and she needed it. She should have really done a ritual but she didn't feel like bringing everything outside. It would be nice to have an outside altar just for the full moon.

She opened her eyes. It was time to let go of the anger and the hate. A better life.
She would never understand why anger was the one thing she had no trouble feeling. She did have a bad temper, she would admit that but why did people go out of their way to piss her off?

She sighed softly. Spotting movement to her side, she turned her head. Tucker was laying some distance from her. She looked up at the moon again, he moved, she looked, he stopped. He was crawling slowly towards her when she wasn't looking.

"You're being silly. Just come over here." Kira said, lifting her hand. The dog jumped up and went over to her, flopping down next to her. "Where is your bother?" she asked. She didn't see the white fluff ball around.

The next moment she saw Himesh fly out the door at top speed, followed by Sof who was chasing him. The cat was bigger than him and she made it a point to remind the dog who was boss. Though Sof was boss over Tucker as well.

Himesh jumped onto Kira, using her as a safe point away from the cat until Sof demanded that she would be the one to sit on Kira and pushed the dog off and laid down on Kira's stomach.

Kira shook her head, closing her eyes again for a moment before looking to the moon again. "Please help guide my steps...I don't know what to do.." she said.

[Kira]

April 18th, 2014

"Why are you trying to change the dress now?" Kira said, it was only an hour before the show.

"Thought this one was better...come on." Tessa replied.

Kira gave an impatient noise. "No, I already did the makeup for the other dress. You'd make me change everything!" she hissed.

"Yes, I would..." Tessa said, she frowned. "Fine! But without Dru, I'm you're only fashion expert right now."

Kira sat down in front of the vanity. It was true. While Kira was taking a break from the Misfits, Dru was taking a break from her and David for that matter. David was set in his ways, there wasn't any way that he would believe Dru was just tried of their ****. She shrugged, she felt bad that Dru had been stuck in the middle for so long. It wasn't her fault though so Kira was having a hard time understanding why she was upset with her.

She sighed. "Get out." she said, she didn't care who was in control, she wouldn't change in front of them. She waited a moment before changing. She wasn't in it tonight. Normally the music and the dance would uplift her but she wasn't really looking forward to it. She rubbed her bare shoulder as it was a one strap dress.

"You will never be happy Dark Lady.." Warrior's voice said, her image in the mirror flickered, her hair taking on a red look. That cold dark smile.

Kira gritted her teeth, closing her eyes and held her head. She ran from the room before Warrior decided to break the mirror using her shadow.

"Hey Boss, you okay?" Cody asked concerned.

"I'm fine. Please get ready for the first act.." Kira lied, faking a smile.

[Kira]

April 19th, 2014

Kira was putting away the jewelry she had left out. Various glow in the dark items or Celtic. She put away the hair pins as well, she didn't realize that a lot of them had been given to her by Windy. She put them in a box that she kept some of her hair stuff in. She looked around the room.

She felt like she needed a change. This house could never be truly hers. And she had to give up the things she wanted for others. She had solved that problem by buying a place that she used as a music studio, but that wasn't a home.

She sat down on the bed. She had been looking at a farm. It didn't scream home either but she could see herself enjoying it anyway. A big place to grow herbs, maybe get a horse. She was sure she would enjoy that. The dogs could have a bigger place to run around.

She sighs and looks towards the door. Dru could have this place to herself, it wasn't like anyone else came here. There wasn't any family here even though it had been for family at first. But everyone was gone. Mama was gone, Dru and her the only childer. David had his own apartment.

Kira made a note she should had some seating to the flat she owned. It wasn't a home but just a place to rest if one wanted to get away from the people in the QZ, she shared it with other people who wanted somewhere to stay.

She wanted to get out of the house right now, go stay over at her place with Lexy but she was staying in case Reggie needed her. She had chopped off his leg. During the date she reluctantly went on, she informed him of her requirement that he would have to beat her in a fight. Something David never bothered to try to do. David never did bother to get to know her. The only time he was normal was one that one date. He ruined it all but that was the point right? He hated her and wanted to destroy her. That's all it was.

She laid down, staring up at the ceiling. It had been a close fight but she couldn't let him win. She wasn't sure what she wanted.

"He'll come to hate you too. David hates you. Dru is upset with you. You'll lose everyone and everything." Warrior said in a taunting manner.

Kira closed her eyes, "I'm cursed to be alone, I know." she said. The same tune over and over again. If he hurt her too, she wasn't sure if she could recover from it, not after everything she had been through so far. His devotion was overwhelming though. Maybe he was right, he wouldn't be able to hurt her.

Could she really take that chance? She didn't need anyone to be 'happy'. She didn't know if she could ever be happy. But...it was nice to have someone to count on all the time.

[Kira]

April 23rd, 2014

Kira stared at the package for a long while. It was something from Windy. Why all of the sudden? A random gift? She sighed softly before slowing opening it. She took out the nice triple moon head piece, raising an eyebrow. He at least knew her, knew what she would like. Which was pretty much what the note said. 'Figured you would like this'. Maybe it was a follow up sorry for putting through the window, she knew it wasn't on purpose. She hadn't seen or heard much from him since then, which was fine with her. She could see a lot of problems if Reggie and him ever met. She set it aside before heading out.


April 24th, 2014

Kira sold quite a bit of items she had gathered for a few weeks. She quickly went to the bank to deposited the money. She noticed the Old Man there. She wondered when he came back, she had no idea where he had been, not that she truly cared. She got tired of having him on the payroll for not doing anything. It was nothing but hush money but she was sure most of the paladins already had name anyway. She might have been willing to just do it under the table, she had given the job to Reggie while he was still human. But since the old man hadn't said anything, maybe he didn't care. She hurried off to the mall to use the fadeportal in Lexy's shop. Maybe she had been freed of two grumpy men.