Reflections on Love (( Serendipity ))

[Robert Pratt]

As Robert lay there in the abandoned shop, staring into nothing, his mind travelled back through his memories once more as if the bang had knocked them from their shelves to traipse before his eyes. He didn't realise it, but his powers had advanced again and he'd learnt to read memories. Unfortunately, the way it was manifesting itself was to read his own memories - remembered and forgotten - repeatedly, and for the last few days, things had been coming to him in dribs and drabs. Nothing had been as monumental as the realisation that he had children and a wife that he'd abandoned over 15 years before - but they kept on coming in their non stop march. There were happy times, but there were also bad times and painful times as well - and the last thing he needed just now was anymore pain. Yet here it was.

He remembered the dates he and Marie went on. Hiking, horseback riding, cinema trips, baseball games, football games, just 'hanging' and doing what any normal teenager does. Each date played back in vivid colour where he could see the sparkle of the sun on her teeth and hear that joy filled laugh that lifted his heart and wrapped it in a hug. He could feel the touch of her hand in his as her fingers linked into his and held tight, all while she whispered in his ear how she loved him, would always be there for him and they'd be together forever. His smiling face nodding and bending down to kiss her so sweetly, agreeing with all she'd said and wanted. They were young, and it was both of their first loves - and it seemed like nothing would ever see them parted ever. Loves young dream that had so cruelly been shattered.

A string of women were remembered, though their names were not. University and alcohol had changed him, so while he was married, with a child, he still had the girls at the University. Drunken nights, the mornings after - so many women who couldn't resist the guy with the money and the smile. He'd never been traditionally good looking, with his narrow eyes and skinny body - but he'd had the charm and the chat, the chuckle and the wicked look - and of course, the money to buy as many pairs of beer goggles as he'd needed.

Another forgotten memory sprang forth and took him by surprise. White, everything was white and tiled. The clothes he wore were white, the gown and socks, even the underwear - the starch filled boxers that were one size too small and made him itch and cramp. But there was a woman there who seemed to glow in the white as the sun hit her, shining through the window she stood beside. He felt his breath catch in his throat as he stared, and as if she'd known, she'd turned around and their eyes had met - and they'd both smiled. He had no idea what her real name was, but she was known as the Bi-Polar Skank by the staff, and so the 'inmates' called her Bips. He was the Dellusionary Drunk Killer, and those like him simply knew him as DDK. No names were used within the asylum as a way to try and separate them all from what they'd come from and to focus on the problem instead. Whenever they were free of the cells, he and Bips would spend all of their time together as a support system. Though in time, that support had turned into what they'd thought was love - but they didn't understand love on the meds and with the treatments. He had shut down all feeling he could, and it was Bips who took the lead when she was having an episode.

Nix, he'd had a crush on her when she'd helped him out, stood up for him, looked after him. He'd never had the words for it, because he'd never had the words for anyone other than Diane. But he'd felt it, and as he'd stared from the corner of his eyes - he'd hoped she'd have gotten the message, that he was greatful and loved her for what she'd done for him.

Eagle he had loved with all he was. She was smart, and she had a right proper belly laugh that could fill a room and infect you, so that you had to join in too without knowing it's origin. She'd been the one to find him, raise him from the gutter, nurse him to health, help him find a more stable point of being than he'd had for many years as he'd wandered and slept upon the streets. It had never been sexual between them, because he just - couldn't, didn't know how and didn't feel any emotion of that sort. He found himself wondering now, if the reasons for his celibacy and lack of sexual appetites of any sort were because a small part of him had remembered and held on to his wedding vows. But he had loved her, he thought, and they had enjoyed one another's company, and it had slowly developed into more of a mother and son relationship - despite being her senior by a couple of years. He remembered kneeling there, by her bed in the makeshift camp in the wilderness, sobbing as she'd taken her last breath. He'd been surrounded by the dead or dying, all of the people he'd known and cared for, and who had cared for him. All of them victims of the 'Blood Hunt' conceptualised and organised by Wendigo. But he'd got his revenge, in a small part, and Wendigo had visited the realm of shadows at his request. It in no way had made up for the losses he had suffered, but it had been a start.

He knew what was coming next, and he really wished it wouldn't. But there it was - Mora. Her beautiful face and long dark hair, before she'd turned herself into a snub nosed pig of a blonde, standing before him. She'd used her powers on him to get him into bed, wanting to rid herself of her virginity. He'd not known what was happening and had been damaged and confused, her powers telling him that it was what he wanted - when it had simply been what she'd wanted and not him at all. She'd been company, and he'd told her he wasn't in love with her. She'd agreed, said she'd known it all along but had wanted him. The lies he'd heard since about what he'd supposedly done rolled in his mind like speech bubbles surrounding her, and he'd felt the pain again. Pain at the lies, the deceit and the hurt inflicted by her, for whatever reason... he still wasn't sure why she'd lied and turned herself into the victim. But the love he'd felt for her as a friend had melted away, banished by the fury at all he'd been accused of. Yet he'd held his tongue on the reality of it all. He was Robert Pratt, pariah and detested creature. None would have believed him anyway, and it would have only served her more. And so he'd simply ignored it, and continued to ignore it even to this day when people tried to throw it into his face or use the lies as a way to throw sludge on his name and character.

He tried to hide from what came next, because these memories were to be worse than all of the rest combined. But there was nothing he could do while there was no realisation that this was the result of a power he was using himself. It was as if he were punishing himself for one thing or another, forcing himself to relive all of the women from his past. And there she was.... the smiling, bubbly, vivacious red head who'd stolen his heart and fixed him more than any had in years. Her curiosity about rituals was what had brought them together as friends as he'd attuned her and tried to teach her how to contain the demi, the words to use to command it and the outcomes to be expected from each ritual. However, the creatures seemed to have a distinct disliking of her and had broken through the barrier to attack her more times than he could remember. For her own safety, he'd refused to help her anymore as the wounds had become worse and worse, piling one on top of the other until she was too vulnerable for his liking. Their friendship had developed, and they'd grown closer and closer over time until they had come together as a couple. Their love of one another had only grown and blossomed under the love and guidance of Lux. In his memory - at that time - he'd never been as happy as he'd been when he was with Lizzie. She had been his perfect woman in every single way, his best friend, his confidante, his love, his wife, his everything.

A little moan escaped his throat as he begged his mind not to show him the pain and betrayal that had ended them. Why couldn't he miss that part out, leave it on happy memories of he and Lizzie doing Lux''s work with the humans and against the Darkness. All it needed to do was skip ahead a number of months, just miss them out so he could remember Serry when she'd been his, body and soul. But no, it wasn't to be. Instead, there it was.... him in the realm of shadows, trapped and unable to break through. Muga's tendrils surrounding him like oil that he'd been sucked into and was unable to escape to get back to Lux and Lizzie. A wraith had come to him and visited him - Serry's husband - and told him of what had happened. That Lizzie had cast him aside for another, that she had given herself to Asher and no longer wanted him. Even now, lying on the floor, his hands reached to his chest, as he had in the realm of shadows and were in his memroy, to clutch at his chest. His knees drew up as in his memories he'd fallen to them with a gasp. He'd felt his heart break, while his mind had tried to tell him it wasn't true. It couldn't have been true. He and Lizzie were inseparable and as strong as anything as a couple. Nothing could break them apart and their heads couldn't be turned from the other that easily. Serry had come to him, had herself killed so that she could find him and help him to come home. She'd been the one who'd given him the strength to escape Muga, and she'd been the one who'd sacrificed herself for him.

Lizzie's face swam into view, remembered as it was when she'd told him it was true - that she'd lain with another. The pain seared through him once more at that revelation as she'd begged for his forgiveness. But his whole world had been shattered and everything he'd believed and known to be true was swept away with that one confession. However, his love had remained there like a flickering torch deep within him, just looking for and hoping to be given some fuel with which to grow. An agreement had been reached, and Lizzie had cleansed her body of the touch of another man. But when she'd returned, she'd changed. Gone had been his Lizzie, the one he'd fallen so deeply in love with - and what had returned had been a simpering Stepford Wife who'd said yes to anything and everything. Gone had been her fight and personality, her opinions had vanished like his blood when spilt. Then, like a switch had been flicked or the turning of the tide, her attitude had changed. She'd given herself to Muga and descended into violence. So quick to shoot, to look to hurt and harm another. He'd told her he couldn't be with her if she were like this, and it had all come to an end. Yet he couldn't just stay away or turn off his feelings. She'd vanished for months, hed seen hide nor hair of her - he'd left messages, tried to contact her through Solace or the family. He'd reached out to her, trying to reconnect - and he'd been spurned every time. She didn't want him anymore and had turned him away and cast him off. He'd done all he could, and more, but none of it had been to any avail. He'd lost her and he'd had to accept that.

Serry's face appeared from the shadows, fading into view and a smile crept across his face for the first time since these memories had begun - just at the sight of her face. He and her had happened by accident at first. A moment of shared grief that had gone too far. They'd tried to deny there was a spark between them, but it had been to no avail. When things had ended with Lizzie for good, they had found one another again, and their passion had been unrivalled as it had been allowed to ignite and burn as it wished. As memories flew through his mind of the time they'd spent together, the fun they'd had with one another - his unravelling mind began sending her telepathic messages.

If you were the ocean I was the sun
If the day made me heavy and gravity won
If I was the red and you were the blue
I could just fade into you

They'd been getting closer and closer as time had gone on. He'd wanted to tell Lizzie about them from the beginning so that there was total transparency and nothing was being hidden. However, Serry had asked and begged him not to. She'd said that she'd wanted to do it herself, when the time was right. Then she'd wanted Christmas with her childe, so convinced was she that tellig her was going to drive her away. Again, Robert had conceded the point with her, though he'd not liked it. It felt like they were doing something underhanded, dirty, wrong even - when that wasn't the case at all. They had come together like planets colliding, to become something bigger and better together as they became one.

If you were the window if I was the rain
I'd pour myself out and wash off the pain
I'd fall like the tears so you're light could shine through
Then I'd just fade into you

He'd been there for her through thick and thin, held her when she'd cried and hurt, kissed away her aches and pains and built up her self-confidence and self-esteem which was so low, it was hard to find. They'd both shed tears over one another and their circumstances, but they were always there for one another. Always. Until now.

In your heart in your head
In your arms in your bed
Under your skin
Till there's no way to know
Where you end and where I begin

A little shiver ran through him as images of them in bed - and other places - lingered in his memories. She was definitely in his heart and mind and soul. And now that he'd managed to develop the power of telepathy - it was hard indeed to tell where one began and the other ended in those moments. They went together so perfectly, fit as if they were made for one another and were simply two halves of the one whole. And right now, he'd lost his other half and it was killing him.

I was a shadow and you were a street
A cobblestone midnight is where we first meet
Till the light's flickered out we'd dance with the moon
Then I just fade into you

In your heart in your head
In your arms in your bed
Under your skin
Till there's no way to know
Where you end and where I begin

Why hadn't he insisted sooner? Why hadn't he made her tell Lizzie about them. He'd fallen for her lies and her stalling techniques. When she'd said she didn't want to do it alone, and he'd said he'd do it with her. When she'd changed the topic and and another couple of weeks had gone by. If only they'd told her at the beginning, all of this could have been so different. But he'd ignored himself and listened to her, deferring to her knowledge of Lizzie and her feelings. Could this have all been avoided if he'd pressed the matter and revealed it all sooner?

I want to melt i want to soak through
I only want to move when you move
I want to breathe when you breathe
then I want to fade into you

I was the ashes, you were the ground
Under your willow they lay me down
There'll be no trace that one was once two
After I fade into you

Then I just fade into you
Then I just fade into you
Then I just fade into you
Then I just fade into you

It was true, he'd wanted it for a while now. For himself and Serry to become one in body, mind and the eyes of the legal system and Lux. He felt it deep within himself, that he was complete with her in every way. They wore rings.... he had worn a ring, as a promise to one another. He'd taken it as a promise to be married - like an engagement ring. He'd been so happy. And now..... now it was all gone and he was lying here a crumpled mess like the ashes of the man he was. He may as well have just faded away, he was nothing now.

[Serendipity]

Serendipity had gone through more than her fair share of rough for one night. She just needed some peace and quiet. That was not to come though. She knew it. Elizabeth had just left but not before informing her that she had already sent a telepathic message to Momento about the goings on. That was a conversation she was not looking forward to and was fairly sure there would be guns. A lot of bullets. Mostly, they would be pointed at her.

After a little while, she figured she might as well get the show on the road. After all, there was nothing left to lose. Her daughter already hated her. She had lost Robert, of her own doing but the fact remained still. She was bleeding from the gunshot caused by Lizzie. Her gut felt like it was on fire. Blood had all but stopped moving from her body and onto her clothing and yet, she still felt like it was fresh. Hurt like a *****.

She pulled out her home-bound tome and teleported into Autumns Veil and waited. Moving to the third floor, she set off the alarm and then, she waited. It wouldn't take long and that face would be right at hers. She knew it. She knew Momento. There were not many things Seren kept a tight grasp on nor of these days and yet, Mome wasn't something she lost. She was her demonic angel. Her sanity in the face of all the chaos beyond the walls of the ever growing amazing fortress she had built.

Like clock work orange, tick tock. It took but moments and there she was. Not very pleasant looking either. Annoyed. That was a good word for it. Words went back and forth. Momento and her Momento like logic. Seren tried to understand it and yet, she couldn't. Words came from the woman's mouth and all Serendipity could get was confused. "Mine". One word. So simple and yet, the meaning alluded her. "Mine". Over and over. The word came from Momento and Seren just shook he her head.

Momento went on to try and make Serry understand that now, she was fully putting her claim in. Though, apparently, it was there all along. Seren belonged to Momento. She was now going to tell her whom she could and could not see. Seren was not okay with this, obviously. Protesting went back and forth, words flew in this argument. All fights had but one winner and someone always had to be the loser. The champ of this fight was yet to be determined.

The protesting got worse from Serendipity and Momento was not approving. It got all that much louder when the collar arrived. That had done it for Seren. She was not wearing a collar, not matter how much she loved that woman. No no. She was no ones pet. After some exchanged words, came the bullets. Serry was a **** shot lately, she knew it. She wasn't the shooting type anymore. She focused solely on her traps. That old saying came into play. If you don't use it, you lose it. Well, she was losing it because she wasn't shooting anymore.

After about 30 minutes of non stop gun fire on both sides, Momento, who healed int he blink of an eye with her powers, only had one or two wounds. Seren.... was a mess. Not only did she have the wound from Elizabeth in her gut but now, a bullet in her leg, two in her shoulder, 2 in her heart and.... she had managed to step on her own damn trap and burn herself all to ****.

That had done it for her. She was through. She decided a hasty retreat was in order now and so, she hit a portal and made her way to her home and sat in a panic room she had built. She had already made one wound non critical with her powers but now, for the rest, she was just too tired.

Bloody now from head to toe, Serendipity leaned against the wall of the panic room and then, slide down. Her mind wanted to reach out to Robert as it had since before he had left and yet, she stopped herself. It was an internal struggle now. She had told him, warned him about telling Lizzie. She had told him the repercussions of those actions should he choose to take that road. Yes, she had told him at one point that she would tell her. She thought, for a bit, she might. Then she had decided otherwise. She had again though told him that she would tell her. That was less of a lie and more of placating circumstances. She was so tired of the same discussion over and over. The same fight. The same conversation where he made her feel like **** all the time for what they were doing behind Lizzie's back.

Serry knew Lizzie. Better than anyone. She knew her trials. Her tribulations. Her struggle on a daily basis and, she knew why. She could not do that to her. Not to mention, though she loved Robert more than she though possible.... in her heart, she still thought that Robert and Lizzie belonged together. She was the fill in. The one to keep him close to the family and make sure no one else got him while Lizzie got better. That had been her plan anyway.

Seren never thought about herself. Not really. Happiness was not in life's cards for her. She knew that. With that thought on her mind all night, it became more and more clear, she was right. The pain from the bullets seared through her and then, she heard it. His voice, breaking through the pain and the chaos of the night. Tears welled within her eyes as she sat there, holding her hand tightly to her chest to stop the bleeding though it helped little.

She was getting weaker and weaker now as she lay on the ground of the panic room. Her eyes closed as the singing continued in her head. Tears flowed down her cheeks and stained the floor below her. She did her best to ignore him, not respond. She didn't want to talk. She didn't want to fight. She didn't want any of that. What she wanted was something he had given up that night. Him to be with her. He had chosen his path and hers.

Seren had warned him. Tell Lizzie, we are through. Over. Done. He chose to tell her that she was wrong. He thought she was being dramatic. Probably an Allurist thing, she was sure he was thinking. He was wrong. She wasn't going to let him push her around. Make all the decisions. Manipulate the situations to where he was always right. Always getting what he wanted the way he wanted it. No. She was not Lizzie. She was also not going to let her daughter walk away from her completely. She would not lose her completely and in order to repair that, she would have to give up him. Was she willing? Yes. She had no choice.

Robert meant a lot to her. Over the last few months, they had come to be so close. He was always the first one she ran to for everything. He dealt with her crazy moments so well. Tended to her when she needed it. Even dealt with her crazy tiara obsession. Waited on her hand a foot and treated her like a queen. He was everything she needed. Her self esteem was up because of him. Her pride in everything she did, through the roof. She was more confidant. He was perfect.... except for one elephant. That giant elephant in a room of perfect china. He was her daughters ex husband that she was still in love with.

Tonight, that elephant was poked with a stick and then hit with a taser. Everything within that china shop was destroyed. The pieces were scattered every which way. All through her apartment, there were pieces. Mentally, she could see them and didn't know how to pick them up nor begin to put them back together but she knew one thing. To put them together, meant cutting her contact with the man she loved. She had little choice.

"Robert. Please stop. You're in my head again. In my head. Its loud enough. I've had a bad night. Shes gone, Robert. She shot me and left. She did exactly what I said and you didn't believe me. Do not act like I left you for no reason please. Just stop. I just need some peace. Please."