Sore my hands are. Painful is these words to pen. Still. Familiar feeling is. Know at least I do how anger and pain do feel. Catacomb wall unrelenting is. Remember that shall. Best idea is not the stone with my fist to pound. Heal it shall. So no worry have I really. He me angry made. Answers gave me for which I no question asked. Know I do not why so hostile he becomes at times. Think perhaps beyond me is his ways to know, know my own still I do not. Reasonable I thought it, the questions that asked of him I did. Perhaps unreasonable they were. Ask again I shall not. His reaction unpleasant was.
Said he did that my actions love portrayed. Know I do not how love feels. Perhaps broken I truly am? Nox my heart hath taken in that realm. My sanity stripped was. Emotions too…to some extent. Truly alive I did not feel till recent days. Hoped I did not such changes in me but change I do. Thought I did that that good was. Now…now not so sure am I. If pain I seek my other feelings to drown. Still, better is myself to harm, than him.
Songs perhaps wrong medium for us are. But no other way have I myself to express. Before returned he did, sang I did to him: My Heart by Paramore. Felt right that did. Even if my heart beat cannot. Posted he did a song for me: The Way You Look Tonight by Maroon 5. Clarification sought I of that song, as believed I did not that he so for me could feel. Done that I should not have. Know that now. But…”undesirable match” am I. Heard that often I did before turned I was. Ven that otherwise proved did. But this world different is. Believed I did again what said had been without him here. Crazy, broken, out of time. Felt so I have since my return. Enver those words from me does take. Calmer he makes me. Made me? Perhaps. Left things well we did not.
Said he did that kiss him back I could. Perhaps that I should have done but know I do not how. Also fear I do a door to open that cannot then shut be. Still in his arms to stand I shake. Know I do not why freeze I do for his lips on mine to feel. Stop here shall tonight. No answers here to be found are.
~#~
Forgot I did these words to write. Perhaps too angry I was. Screamed he did that love me he does. Words difficult to hear are when in anger they are spoken. Odd. But recorded that should. Say it back I was unable to do so. Know I do not it that how I feel is.
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Bereft am I. Strained things between have become. Know I do not how to repair what broken is. Between us. In me. Perhaps heal I never shall. Perhaps that reason is for what feel I do? So sad was I not while he in accursed realm was. Feel I do as if lost to me he has become. Like that feeling I do not. Little have I to say today. Everything changed has. But no sense can I of it make. Clearer to him I cannot be. Open am I with him but feel I do not that he the same with me is. More open I cannot be. Wonder still I do what feelings in me are? No words have I for them to describe. Label them I still cannot. Know how to resolve this I do not.
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Several days have I without this journal been but thought I did that it Enver might help my thoughts to know. Now think I must on what happened has in days that passed have. Like to record the events I would not as mainly argued we have. Though, think it odd I do that he Ven insulted. Liked that I did not. Ven here is not for himself to defend. So angry I have been with him of late that my powers against him I have used. Know I do not why such rage in me he does provoke? Balanced I know all things must be. So…perhaps this the other side of my emotions is? Guess see I shall.
My telepathic powers advanced have perhaps. That noted should be. Sharing thoughts with Enver now I am. Odd experience, his thoughts to hear. Know I do not if that possible should be. Still, so long as conversation both ways can go, mind I do not for him my thoughts on occasion to hear. No secrets have I from him. That obvious should be, as allowed he is this journal to read.
Sent me he did a t-shirt in this time. Wear it out I likely shall not, but perhaps for sleeping it will be good. Only make sense it shall if he by me is anyway. Words on t-shirt read, “I’m with stupid.” Silly Enver is. Like that I do. Made me smile.
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A DVD Enver to me today gave, 'The Ugly Truth'. This a romantic-comedy is, if believe I do the case in which the DVD is housed. Watched one of those as of yet I have not. When time next I find, watch it I shall. Wonder I do if lesson from this he wishes me to learn. Perhaps. Perhaps not. No lesson from Dune did I gleam.
~#~
Upon our date tonight we did embark. Most enjoyable it was. Played that game before I have not. Unusual perhaps it was, but much like using the paintball gun, fun it was. Mind I would not that again to do. Strange form of time together to spend however. Spent we did more time trying the other to avoid. Game less than an hour took however, so that acceptable is. Though...if go again we do, perhaps more fitting attire wear I shall.
Learning I am when uncomfortable he is. Something about him is when gets that way he does. This eve saw it I did when I the ring he gave me upon the wrong finger put. Mind I do not the ring on my other hand to wear, if happier that makes him. Strange it is such an item to wear. Items upon my wrist and neck more common do I place. Though sure I am used to it I will become. Quite lovely it is. Perhaps more Daria's taste it is more than mine. But first ring it is that given I have been. Perhaps fitting that it me of my old life does remind.
~#~
Wish I do that Nox me a way would give with Ven to speak. Things there are that say I must. Strange. The need to speak with him I have had since returned I did. Only now more urgent that need seems. Need think I must on how to him I can talk. As into the ether my words to say enough does not seem.
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If say I do that tonight strange has been, sufficient that explanation would not be. Expected I did not for Enver with me to want to speak about binding. Last night more effect on him had than realised I did. Thought I did that everything good was…after that, but turned the tide did. That our way seems to be. Wish I do that that not so was. But cope well enough with that I can…so long as bother him it does not.
Told him I did how feel I do. Surprise to me that was, as knew I did not that knew I did the words to say. Feel stupid I do for that. As known I should have that loved him I did. That love him I do. Spoken I have of balance previously, perhaps why that is, so angry he me can make. Felt this way with Ven I did not. Different we were. Perhaps that normal is. Enver Ven is not. Wish that I would not.
Way have I with Ven to speak. Perhaps. Think I should that I him a letter should write. Write one tomorrow I shall. Then time have I for my words to form. What say you to one whom you this life gave, when acknowledge you wish to, that your bond severed has been? Find the words I shall. I hope.
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Apologise first I must that address you as I once did I no longer can. Tried I did those words to write, but wrong they now seem. No disrespect wish I you to show, but know I do that much changed has since saw you last I did. Returned I did anew. If that sense does make. My old name I did take. The name to which I was born. No longer am I the Daria you knew and loved. With this in mind pen I you these words.
Know I do not how this to say but…feel you I no longer do as once I did. Long-time dead I was. Perhaps that our connection did erase. Changed me my death did. Likely changed you too it has, for know I do that dead you are. Dead were we all, save one. Deanna told me that her life for yours traded you did. Guessed as much I could have in that, for no other way would it have been. So long as chance there was that survived she might have. Hope I do that if some comfort in all this found can be, then find it you shall in fact that she by my side now is. Even if form different is.
Prattle perhaps I do but these words hard to write are. Loved you I did, with all of me that had to give I did. Love you now still I do but many forms of love there are, and changed my affections for you have. In the past I could not live. Knew that I did since day naked from the realm emerged I did. This different time is. Different world. And I your Daria am no longer. Daria slain was long ago. A shadow of my former self I am. My path altered has. So, while affection for you always I shall have. My beloved you are no longer. Replaced you I have not. That possible would not be, for you more than my beloved were; you my sire also were and forever grateful shall I be, for gift that upon me bestowed you did. Here, without you, I would not be.
Like to think I do, that proud of me perhaps you might be. Even if Deanna otherwise does say. Knew you as I did, she did not. So her words more easily dismissed are. A family created I have; small in size it is, but then mind that I do not. Like that I do, if honest I am. Learned much from them I have. More than perhaps taught them I have. Without my childer lost to that accursed realm once more I would have been. Stronger I have become. Far stronger than when saw each other last we did. Interesting that is, as new powers possess I these days. Hope I do that one day a way back to this world find you shall, even if doubt I do that ever possible that will be. Then read my words you could and know all that learned I have. Perhaps even teach you I could. If here I still am. Know I do not what Nox for me in store has, but for first time since my return, excited I am for that to see.
Said I did that replace you I could not. That true is. All relationships unique are. But fair to you I should be in this and say I should that another these days keep I in my heart. New our relationship is. But strong emotions feel I for him. Realised I did not till yesterday just how strong those emotions become had. Love him I do. Our future together I cannot see, only Nox that can know, but happy am I when with him I am. Like each other perhaps you would not, but matter that does not to me. Remind you I would that if happy I am, that that all that matters is. Truthfully, me to life he has returned and both scared and excited am I in his presence to be. Learnt I did today that he butterflies in my stomach me does give. Name it previously I could not, the feeling that in my stomach was, but internet great source of information is. Nervous he makes me…in good way. Worry more I do for my behaviour when around me he is. Wish I do that this to you better I could explain, but still explaining things to myself I am.
Hope I do that with these words injure you I do not. That my intention never would be. Guidance have I need of and cleared my conscience must be before to the future truly I can look. Know now you do that always with me you are and that new place found for you I have in my heart to keep.
Your devoted daughter,
Keara Aithne
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Feel better for the letter to have written I do. Like weight from my chest lifted has been. Hope I do that neither male I do hurt by those words to paper set. Necessary was for my mind. For my heart. Conscience now clear can be. Think perhaps that to my problems added. Sufficient goodbye to Ven I had not said. But said it now I have. Perhaps write him again I shall. When his council I have need of. Help me that might.
Too kind he is. Told him have that buy me things he need not and buys them still he does. Today he me with a necklace presented. My style it is not. (Sorry my love). But perfect reminder of him it is, as intended he did. Gold chain with movie reel attacked and my initial. Since suit my style perhaps it does not. Wear it I shall upon my wrist. Better there is anyway. See it then I do. If more jewellery for me he buys, eventually choice I shall have to make in what of his wear I do.
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Today gave I him something that him from my whims safe shall keep. Gave him also I did necklace that wear he can, so that he me does not forget. Said he did in own way that that not possible is, but accepted my gift regardless he did. A literal piece of me now he has. That perhaps greatest gift that give I could, essence of me that is. Wondered I did if even possible was my blood for him to gift, but managed I did. Needed only my blood from the elements to keep, seemed to work then it did.
~#~
Surprised me tonight he did by his apartment for me to transform. Say again I shall that too good to me his. So thoughtful was Ven not, though different time was then and kind he was, so expect more of him I could not. Expect little do I from Enver too, perhaps that why he surprises me so. So much effort need he not make for me. Happy I am so long as truthful and loyal with me he is. Go to the theatre I shall daily, know that already I do. His gift for me wasted shall not be, though...fear I do that sand for weeks follow me shall.
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Today waited I have in here to write till gone he was. Write I would that left me has, but that not true is. Well, true it is in that he here is not, but return he shall. I hope. Trust those flying contraptions I do not. Sure I am not if safe they are and worry that he the power does not have to escape if something wrong does go. Liked idea of him leaving I did not. Seems it does that more time apart we spent have, since agreed that dating we are. Wish I do that I the courage had for him to follow. Or that he able was his business here to do. Know I do not if leave this city ever I shall. Worry I do for the boundaries to cross.
Worry I do for when inspiration wears off does. More alone then I shall feel. Though sent me another song he has. Unconditionally by Katy Perry. Like the song I do. Message quite clear is. Though wonder I do for the timing? Perhaps he too embarrassed me to see was after that song to send and believed that days apart my reaction might temper. Or, perhaps knew he did that miss him I would from moment that he from me did part and hoped that song me comfort would give. Probable are they both in reason. Perhaps for mix of both reasons he that to me did send?
~#~
Sara me does worry. Something with childe wrong is. Love her do. My blood she is. Sweet in nature too. But struggles she does this life to embrace. Wonder do if better had been if gifted her this life I had not. Though that thought can I not entertain in all seriousness, as know I do that mine she is and that she to this life adapt shall…in time. Needs perhaps she does more time with family. More friends. Social creature think she may be. Unlike me. Happier if paired she was perhaps. Noticed have, that most of her sorrow wrapped up in her female companions is. Perhaps defines self she does by whom she with is. Without a partner of less worth she feels. Think on that more I shall. See if help to her I can be.
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Interesting. Knew I that could do I did not. Somehow and ask me how you may not as no answer have I. This journal in my hands did just appear. Left it did in theatre and now in raid I am. Unable I was it to fetch. Then…here it was. Understand it yet do not, but happy am that I these words can pen.
Night for strange occurrences is. Used I am out of raids to be thrown. Through walls. Out of windows but just now. Thrown down the stairs was I. This first for me was. Suspect it not last time will be. Raid not so exciting this time is. Understand why I do not? Perhaps issue is that miss him do. Lost appetite for hunt when in accursed realm he was. Though this different feels. Feelings different are. Dead he is not. Strange that he me thusly does affect.
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