The Road to Nowhere

[Madison]

((OOC Note: This takes place several days before Madison was turned on 6/19/12))

The cell phone flew the air, tumbling as it went before it smashed into the mirror on the hotel wall. No one was answering their damn phones. Not Jack. Not Robert. Not Alex. She had seen plenty of vampires she recognized but after the incident with Wolfgang, Madison avoided attacking random vampires for blood. At that very moment though, she was quite on the edge. Madison needed to feed.

Frustration and anger welled up inside her. While she loved the powers that vampire blood gave her, especially the telepathic ones, Madison hated this life. Hated the need. Hated the horrible withdrawals and the feeling of weakness that took over as the power waned. Hated it, hated it, and hated it. She hated herself for giving in to Robert. She sort of hated Robert for leading her into the life but she couldn’t stay angry at him for long. He had been one of the only people to care for her when she truly needed someone to be there. But she needed him now and where was he? Nowhere to be ******* found.

Madison glared at her reflection in a broken piece of mirror. Her long blonde locks were tousled and tangled, her pale blue eyes bloodshot with her left looking angrier than the right with the scar that cut around it and her full lips were pursed into thin lines of unhappiness. How many times had she seen this look before? Strung out on meth, loaded on cocaine, a few weeks of binging off the bottle, too many times. Unwanted tears began to well in Madison’s eyes. Her glare intensified and she crossed the room in a few long strides, ripping the mirror from the wall and whipped it violently across the room. The corner of the frame hit the opposite wall, gouging a chunk from the cheap wallpaper that was already peeling at the edges, before it cracked at the seams and fell to the floor. Pieces of mirror fragmented and showered the ugly puce colored carpet.

The sound of her heartbeat was hard and fast like drums her ears. Her breathing matched her heart to go along with the feeling of tightness in her chest. Madison’s fingers found her hair, twisting it and rolling it into a knot between her fingers. She began to pace the pathway from the door to the bathroom. Back and forth again and again, hand never leaving the side of her head as she tugged at the knot she had made. The room seemed to shrink around her, closing her in and making it hard to breathe. Madison stopped in her tracks, her breath caught in her throat, tears streaming down her face and her entire body shaking as anxiety became panic.

The digital alarm clock beside the bed with its bold red numbers stared at Madison as it slowly clicked by minutes. One, two, three minutes passed by that felt like years. Her thoughts had stopped making sense right about the time she had stopped pacing. A door slammed down the hall, knocking Madison from her trance. Her movements were rushed as she grabbed her bag and started shoving her clothes inside of it without caring to fold or roll them so they fit easier. She practically ran to the bathroom and back again with her toiletries and shoved those in her bag too. When the bag wouldn’t zipper shut and nothing she did to it would force it to close, Madison crumpled in a heap next to the bed. Sobs racked her body.

Hair was matted to her face by tears and snot dribbled from her nose, Madison used the comforter on the bed to wipe it from her face. Her lungs breathed in the air deeply, holding it for a moment before she slowly exhaled. Rational thought fought for control over her emotions. She needed to get herself together, clean herself up and get the **** out of dodge.

[Madison]

Unable to tackle the rat’s nest that had taken over her head, Madison had tied her hair back into a messy bun. No amount of makeup would cover the angry red scar that started at the outer end of her left eyebrow and curved around her eye and across her cheek but it didn’t stop her from trying. Both of her eyes were still bloodshot and now puffy to boot. Déjà vu swept over her as she leaned over the sink, a hand on each side of it and battled herself in the mirror. She knew what she had to do but couldn’t help feel slightly disgusted with herself that she needed to at all.

Madison’s aunt and uncle owned a hunting cabin about an hour northwest of Harper Rock. Her aunt had taken her there on several occasions while Madison went through detoxification. She had gone there a few times on her own; too embarrassed to tell the only family member that gave a **** about her existence that she had relapsed. It was where she was planning to head to now, to absolve a different kind of addiction but an addiction none-the-less.

Grabbing her bag from the bed Madison left behind the kit that Robert had given her. There wasn’t any blood in it or dirty needles, just what was left of the supplies she had when she decided it was becoming too dangerous to be out pandering. She also left the phone that he had given her laying on the floor, its backing and battery having gotten knocked off and out when it hit the mirror. Madison wouldn’t need any of those things anymore. A few gut-wrenchingly hard days of pain and suffering and then she would be free from it all.

When Madison got down to the main lobby she stopped at the cash machine off in the corner. It took several swipes of her bank card at three hundred dollars a pop before it gave her a message that she could only withdraw another hundred dollars for she would be reaching her thousand dollar limit. She counted out a few hundred dollars and stuffed it in her pocket before shoving the rest into a worn envelope in the front pocket of her duffel. When she turned from the ABM the hotel clerk at the front desk was watching her with a curious look. Madison shifted the bag on her shoulder and crossed the foyer to the front desk, slapping down her room key in front of the somewhat dismal looking man behind the counter. The man blatantly stared at the scar around her eye before he stammered a greeting. To make up for his lack of composure or possibly because he felt bad for the puffy eyed mess of a woman before him, he didn’t charge her an early check out fee and took the amount she would have received back off of the room service she had ordered a few days prior.

The sky was starting to brighten when she stepped outside. Madison paused for a moment on the sidewalk to gaze upward. A taxi pulled up to the hotel and stopped; the driver got out and opened the trunk to retrieve the suitcase for the man in a suit that got out of the back seat. The driver, a rather portly fellow that stood a few inches shorter than Madison, handed off the suitcase and waited to be paid. Once money was exchanged the cab driver bid his passenger a good day and slammed the trunk closed. Madison took a step towards the cab and stopped the driver before he could get back inside the vehicle.

“Excuse me, how much longer is your shift?”

The cab driver looked at her a moment before he smiled warmly, “For as long as you need me miss, just getting the day started. Need a lift?”

[Madison]

Madison returned the cab driver’s smile and nodded her head before getting into the back seat. She tossed her bag to the side behind the driver and made herself comfortable. The driver took his seat behind the wheel before he adjusted the rear view to use it to look at Madison.

“Where to?”

“1021 Pike Lake Circle.”

The driver turned in his seat to look back at her directly, “Pike Lake? That’s a bit out of my range hun.”
Madison pulled the money out of her pocket and shoved it towards the driver, “Take this up front, I’ll double whatever the meter reads to pay for your trip back, plus tip.”

He took the cash and counted it out. Satisfied with the amount he shoved it in his front pocket and picked up his radio mic, “This is vehicle seventeen, en route to Pike Lake, upfront payment.”

There was a bit of static before a female voice responded, “You know that’s out of our serviceable area Sal.”

Sal flashed a grin at Madison before speaking into the mic, “It’s going to make my quota for the morning in this one trip Vicki.”

There was a long pause before static and Vicki’s voice, “Trip approved, radio in upon arrival.”

“10-4 Vick.”

Replacing the mic to its holder, Sal readjusted his rearview mirror and then looked back at Madison over his shoulder, “Do you mind the radio?”

Madison shook her head no in response. Sal turned on the radio and adjusted the volume before he started the cab and pulled into traffic. Settling back into the seat, Madison watched out the window as the cab maneuvered between heavy traffic. The two radio DJ’s on air were going back and forth with one another before announcing a ninety minute block of the greatest hits from the nineties until now. They started off the block with The Verve’s “Bittersweet Symphony”.

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
You're a slave to money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah

No change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
But I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no, no, no,no,no,no,no,no(fading away)

Sal had finally made it out of the business district and the amount of cars going in their direction lessened. Some part of Madison’s mind recognized the familiar buildings and landscapes they passed as she gazed out the window but her attention was turned inward. Should she have told Robert where she was going? What she was doing? No, that wouldn’t have done any good; he’d just try to convince her to stay. Madison knew she needed to do this and she wouldn’t change her mind.

Well I never pray
But tonight I'm on my knees yeah
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now
But the airways are clean and there's nobody singing to me now

No change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
I can't change
I can't change it

Looking back in the rearview mirror, Sal watched his passenger with curiosity. He wanted to ask how she had gotten the scar around her eye but thought better of it. He could tell that there was something deep on her mind and could see how puffy and bloodshot her eyes were, the worry lines that creased her forehead. No, asking personal questions wouldn’t be polite. His eyes went back to the road; he switched lanes and took a turn onto a road that would eventually become a country back-road that headed west out of the city.

Sal glanced back at the rearview and spoke over the music, “So what’s out at Pike Lake? Takin’ a long weekend?”

'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony, this life
Trying to make ends meet
Trying to find some money then you die
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
You know the one that takes you to the places
where all the veins meet yeah

You know I can't change, I can't change
I can't change, I can't change
But I'm here in my mind
I am here in my mind
And I'm a million different people
from one day to the next
I can't change my mind
No, no, no, no, no

Madison turned her head towards Sal to respond before looking back out the window, “Yeah, something like that. My aunt and uncle have a house on the lake.”

I can't change my mind
no, no, no, no, no,
I can't change
Can't change my body,
no, no, no

I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down
Been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
Ever been down
That you've ever been down
That you've ever been down

When Madison gave him no more information, Sal was discouraged from asking anymore questions. The blonde woman was obviously going through something stressful and he felt bad for her but he wouldn’t push her to talk if she didn’t want to. When he glanced at her again she was once more staring blankly out the window. He gave a barely audible sigh and started to hum to the end of the song.

[Madison]

It seems like every day's the same
And I'm left to discover on my own
It seems like everything is gray
And there's no color to behold

Eventually the scene outside of the car changed from city lights and residential neighborhoods to the more rural sort. All of it passed her by without much thought, without much notice. Madison was in her own little world, seeing but blind to the sights, hearing yet deaf to the sounds. She didn't know how long they had been driving. Sal had remained pretty quiet after his question, made a comment here or there about a place they passed. Never giving him much of a response to work off of and make a conversation out of, after awhile he had just quit talking to her altogether and instead started to sing and hum along to the radio.

They say it's over and I'm fine again, yeah
Try to stay sober, feels like I'm dying here

A hand moved to the opposite wrist and slightly dirty fingernails dug at an itch that she didn't really feel. It was more a nervous habit that she did unconsciously. At one point in time she had placed a rubber band around her wrist. A trick some drug counselor had told her about in attempts to help her think less about using. Every time she got a craving she was supposed to snap the rubber band hard against the inside part of her wrist where the skin was more susceptible to pain. It hadn't worked. The very first day she had snapped the rubber band right off and watched it fall to the floor. It was then that the habit of scratching the inside of her wrist started.

And I am aware now of how
Everything's gonna be fine
One day, too late, I'm in Hell

Outside, the skies were turning dark as a wall of clouds moved in from the north. Far off in the distance Madison could see flashes of lightening. Shortly after seeing the lightening, thunder followed. Shifting in her seat so that she was leaning against the door, Madison pressed her forehead against the cool glass of the window and simply watched the storm draw closer.

"Looks like we're headed for rain," Sal stated the obvious.

Madison's blue eyes darted towards the front of the cab and then back out the window, "Yeah, seems so."

I am prepared now
Seems everyone's gonna be fine
One day, too late, just as well

Sal sighed again but this time didn't let up. Whatever it was that this woman was going through, it was downright depressing to watch her in the rear-view mirror of his taxi-cab. There had to be something he could talk about to pull her out of her funk.

I feel the dream in me expire
And there's no one left to blame it on
I hear you label me a liar
'Cause I can't seem to get this through

You say it's over, I can sigh again, yeah
But why try to stay sober when I'm dying here?

"I actually like rain," he said without looking back at her to see if she was listening, "I always feel it's sort of Mother Nature's way of cleansing the Earth."

Rain drops began to hit the top of the cab and the window she was looking out of. Little drips of water trailed across the glass in the direction the wind pushed it. Lifting her hand, Madison traced one of the rivulets with her finger from the inside.

"I can see that," Madison replied but then challenged his view point, "But with all the pollution that's in the air nowadays, I don't really know how much cleansing is really happening."

Sal glanced into the rear-view and shrugged, at least he was getting more than two or three words out of her. Maybe she would keep talking if he did, "I can't think that the pollution is too terrible up this ways. Don't hear about no acid rain or nothing like that in these parts. Haven't you ever played out in the rain when you were a kid?"

And I am aware now of how
Everything's gonna be fine
One day, too late, I'm in Hell

I am prepared now
Seems everyone's gonna be fine
One day, too late, just as well

Madison lifted her head off the glass and sat back into the backseat of the cab, "Didn't everyone?"

She thought about the last time she had been out in the rain on purpose for the hell of it. Mike had been with her. They had gone to see a movie, a re-run midnight showing of the Wizard of Oz and come outside to find it pouring rain. It had been a summer night so the rain wasn't too cold. Cool to the touch but comfortable compared to the humid heat from earlier in the day. She had wanted to call a cab but he insisted on walking. He had always liked rain more than her. Madison had indulged him that night and he had led them to a nearby park where they played on the playground like a couple of kids. That was the great thing about Mike. Not everything always had to be so serious.

And I'm not scared now
I must assure you
You're never gonna get away
And I'm not scared now, no
And I'm not scared now, no

So, yeah, I am aware now of how
Everything's gonna be fine
One day, too late, I'm in Hell

A glimmer of hope formed in Sal's mind when Madison turned her attention to the front of the cab but the glimmer quickly faded as he watched her face. He could see it in her eyes. The way they almost clouded over, turned a deeper shade of blue as she slipped further into her own head. He wondered what she was thinking about but didn't ask. Instead he silently waited for her to snap out of her thoughts, checking the mirror occasionally to see what she was paying attention to.

When Madison no longer looked like she was thinking too deeply, Sal spoke again, "I 'spose everyone has. Too many take things for granted though. You have to appreciate what you have and try not to dwell on the bad stuff."

I am prepared now
Seems everyone's gonna be fine
One day, too late, just as well

I am prepared now
Seems everything's gonna be fine
For me, for me, for myself
For me, for me, for myself
For me, for me, for myself

I am prepared now for myself
I am prepared now and I am fine again

Madison looked at Sal intently as he said what he did. It was probably pretty obvious to him that she was clearly dwelling on everything bad in her life. But what did she have? What possible good could be found in her situation? She thought hard on it, searching for some golden nugget of good. It took awhile but the only thing she could think of that could possibly translate to being good was that she was doing what she was doing. She was going to get clean. She was going to kick this addiction and she wasn't going to go back to it.

"You know, I think you're right," she said in response to Sal and did her best to smile for the first time since she had gotten in the cab.