I LOVES YOU, GINNY! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXOXO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My most faithful friend. Walked and wandered with me for a year before we came to this town and settled down. That cat and I have seen our share of strange **** in places I did not know even existed. Don't know when she was born to give her a lil birthday party, but this will have to do,
(And no, she was not thrilled with the tiny party hat a I stuck on her head, but she mowed the hell out of the fresh chicken and ham I put in front of her earlier.)
Some day I'm gonna be happy. I don't know when just now I still have clouds to dance upon, and the moon expects me for tea
The Pandora Project.
This one they do here, but in October! WTF? I wonder if they get drumsticks for Halloween if there is leftovers.
Regardless, the mood struck me. This was Turkey Day where I come from, so it was time to cook. I only have one person who could actually eat to cook for, so that part was easy. Why make a large bird when so much of it would simply go to waste (well, I know Ginny would love to assist with the disposal of the left over meat, but that is not the point. I have seen too many homeless and hungry people when I was alive and as I am now in my travels to treat food in such a way. Note to self: Tell Jennifer and Iris about arranging for the holiday baskets for our more in need mortal customers.)
Some of my friends ask me if it bothers me. The smell of food and remembering tastes and such. And to be honest at times it does, but there is a pleasure from creating that makes it all worth it at times. Temperance is my usual target when these urges happen, but again-not a large meal was needed. The answer came as I wandered through the supermarket (the open one, not the one in the QZ) Mini chickens! Okay, they call them game hens but I doubt someone paid a bunch of hunters to go out, make sure these were female, and shoot them.
I made 2 of them. Jennifer could use a home cooked meal as well I think. I am starting to worry about her more and more now. Since turning Iris I have been watching them interact with each other now. Jen is not a fool at all, but so far she has never said anything or done anything to make me feel she was a danger to us. She has to notice Iris is not the same Iris she was paling around with before. But that is a issue for another day. Back to the mini chickens.
I dragged out one of my mother's cookbooks (yes, the woman was a total *****, but she could cook) The place is filled with the scent of cinnamon and honey glaze now as the hens finish baking. I probably could have gotten away with just breasts, but then there was the 'carving' to consider. Pretend its a dwarf turkey or something. A few extras and rolls to finish the deal as well.
I did not bake the pie. I am quite good at such things but I could not resist where my nose led me earlier when I was out. Who would have thought that someone still cooled their pies on the window sill? The smell of pumpkin caught me and would not let go. A dab against my tongue told me the baker knew what he/she was doing, and in a moment of 'I shouldn't do this but I'm doing it anyways' I faded into shadows and grabbed one of the orange treasures and took off running. Another thing I learned tonight was going into shadows does not fool a dog. I just hope the people who were watching that great slobbering hound that ran down the block after me did not notice the flying pie it was chasing. I finally lost it at the market place.
There is more, so much more, that is on my mind now. Lots of things changing and happening around and in me. Things I don't want to think about right now, but I will have to soon enough. But not now. No.
My gift is ready and she is on her way. That's all that matters to me at the moment. A blessed night to all.
Some day I'm gonna be happy. I don't know when just now I still have clouds to dance upon, and the moon expects me for tea
The Pandora Project.
A curious night to be sure. All the things I said would come to pass have done so. It was inevitable I suppose. Things have a way of slipping out eventually. No one has a who yet, but the guesses are drifting closer to home now.
It was magick like I had never experienced before. It was a rush to do something so different and see it have a possible positive effect for once. Not only in working but in application. Again, possibly.
As I had been taught by those with powers before this, always judge the actions and reactions of your works. They were so happy with it all, as were the others who experienced it. For now, at least.
But one thing continues to trouble me, old friend. That word.
Forever.
My grandfather loved my Nanna till the day he died, and probably still does. He spent almost 65 years of his life by her side. In human terms, that is a 'forever' I guess. A beautiful forever in my view. I saw that man pause every morning when the day was ready to begin and at night before he slept and kiss my grandmother. Such a simple thing it was, but he adored her and she him. As he told me once when I was nine years old, "I still see the black and not the grey when I look at her hair, and her eyes still sparkle at the sight of me,"
I imagine it is so for others as well. Even our 'kind' now. Habren told me once her and Mircea were in love with each other before the disaster that put them into the Shadow Realm until recently. They seem to carry on as if it was only yesterday (from the few moments I have seen them together anyway) but that is only.... one hundred? Two hundred years? Is that 'forever'?
What is bothering me now is, no one seems to have a full grip on that concept. Some are still thinking in human terms of a immortal concept. Even the gods only have a clue what forever actually is. Time everlasting. And is it not true that in history even the gods perish or go mad with the weight of eternity upon their backs?
As in mortal terms, so as in the immortal. What is forever today may not be so tomorrow or next week or a hundred, five hundred, a thousand years from now and even that is nothing but a dust speck in the view Eternity itself has. Two happy souls today, but what about five thousand years from now? How can anyone say it is 'forever'?
Obviously, no one can. Only a fool makes such a long term promise like that. Mortals do, but I do not consider them fools for their idea of 'forever' is like my grandparents had. Most people don't make it, but a few do. A lifetime is forever for some.
But if one can live for eternity (technically? I have yet to meet any multiple thousand year old vampires yet) how can anyone think this and say they are not deluding themselves? Forever is the last minutes in a football or basketball game. So much can happen in such a tiny space of time. Yet forever is also a punishment. When the souls in Gehennah cry out 'What more is there?' are they not answered 'More of the same-forever' ?
It is a question to be sure. Those I have done this for endured me bugging them badly. Are you sure this is what you want? Do you truly understand what this will do? What it implies?
And yet I did it at their insistence.
What you call up or what you put down. What blessings and curses you call forth into this world. All are the burden upon your own soul and are yours to keep and answer for. You are the caretaker and executioner of your own spirit.
Nanna told me that the first time I sat down at her reading table when she began to teach me the usage of the cards.
It was true then, and still is now.
Damn this fresh burden upon my spirit now. I have to wonder when the full cycle of time comes round will they come to me and demand I un do what they insisted I do to begin with? And what else could my answer be but 'More of the same. Forever'
Who wants to live forever? So the song asked in that movie.
Not me...
Some day I'm gonna be happy. I don't know when just now I still have clouds to dance upon, and the moon expects me for tea
The Pandora Project.
Sometimes. Just sometimes mind you, the internet can be downright funny and entertaining. A friend of mine I keep long distance ties with via e-mail sent me a funny 'To Do' list based on famous movies. Being the perpetual smart *** I can be, I decided to print it and answer it how I would if I could to my faceless cyber pen pal.
To Do
1. Assemble the Avengers. (does sending a mass message to Ty that a bounty has been found count?)
2. Don't Panic. (too flipping late! Where is my towel?)
3. Simply walk into Mordor. (sometimes I think I live there)
4. Destroy the 7 Horcruxes. (well, I know Nix collects them, so that's her gig-not mine)
5. Stop the Joker. (Batman's job, not mine. Yes-he DOES EXIST!)
6. Get Busy Living. (I was doing that. Then I died, and then I got busy kinda living again and...)
7. Bring balance to the Force. (I am lucky I can balance my checkbook, toots)
8. Win for Prim. (don't even know a Prim. sorry)
9. Build Web Shooters. (just as soon as I finish my BFG 9000)
10. Send ET home. (hey, one of my fave bad jokes! What has 3 balls and comes from outer space? ET-the extra testical)
11. Clone Dinosaurs (I can summon fadebeasts-top that)
12. Befriend the Na'vi (if they anything like the fae, forget it)
13. Bake a nice warm pie. (I make damn good pies! Just ask Tempy)
14. Resurrect the Black Pearl (no pearls here, but we got orbs)
15. Get back to 1985 and fix the timeline (if I went back to 1985 I would not even have happened yet! Unless I went with the Doctor of course, but I doubt he'd want me as a companion. Snap! But it would have to be Tennant's Doctor- number 10, or Baker's-number 4. Yeah, Tom Baker-swipe his scarf and K-9 as well.)
16. Call the Ghostbusters (right now, I think we beyond their help around here, tho I bet Igon had a hand in the Spirit Trap designs)
17. Always bet on Bond (Connery's Bond especially. *swoons all dreamy eyed* I'd rock that Aston Martin.... or wreck it?)
18. Recover the Ark of the Covenant (Nix probably has this in her relic collection already)
19. Get a bigger boat (I can water walk. What the hell do I need a boat for?)
20. Save Private Ryan (I'll ask Chaindog if he knows him)
21. Join the MIB (oh please, around here I am the MIB)
22. Find Nemo (I think Ginny beat me to that one. sowwy. Bad kitty!)
23. Stay the hell away from LV-426 (that has to be a place in a new West building I bet)
24. Read the passages in the Book of the Dead. Stop the Deadites (erm, too late. We *** deep in Deadites right now. Hell, I am one of them!)
25. Escape from Shawshank (only if I can kill the right zombie/gangster/whatever and get a key drop)
26, Meet the Wonderful Wizard of Oz. (our Wizard left town. Got tired for all the calls for brains)
27. Find the Fifth Element (Air, water, fire, earth, spirit. all done *hits the 'EASY' button*)
28. Get to the chopper (yeah, we got the thing Arnie was running from here as well)
29. Free Madea (oh hell. Madea? She'd have this place running like a clock! And, no one would dare turn her. No One! Put up with that for all eternity? Oh hell to the no!)
30. See dead people. (every night of my little continued existence *another hit of the EASY button*)
Yeah I could have said all that, but instead I mailed back a 'LOL' and a new recipe for Strawberry Tarts and Gooey Cookies.
*folds her answers up and sets inside the journal*
Some day I'm gonna be happy. I don't know when just now I still have clouds to dance upon, and the moon expects me for tea
The Pandora Project.
The famous gag question, right? Used in movies, books, and who knows what. Is why people play the various lotteries and dive into get rich quick schemes. Of course, a high percentage of those that do this never once consider getting a job or actually working for the money. Oh no.
One million dollars.
Did I say one million? Hell, I meant TWO million.
That is a lot of pretty colors of paper there.
The conversation was quite interesting, especially when that line came up in it. Just another whimsical discussion over tea and laughs. I was laughing too until my guest informed me just how serious a statement they had just made.
Easy money. So they said. When I questioned the idea, I was told in no uncertain terms how possible the impossible would actually be. Yes, little one- trust me on this and see how fast two million dollars drops into your lap.
Now there was a time I would have said 'who do I have to kill?' and would have done it. Of course this was when I still had a pulse and could enjoy a slice of deep dish supreme pizza and a cold beer with zero problems. Life was damn hard when I was alive and money was scarce. Two million dollars would have solved a ton of problems back then. A hundred woes and problems I could erase and still have the majority tucked inside my mattress (screw the banks. never trusted them.) of my new king sized bedroom.
So how ironic that now when I am not alive, life has gotten easier. Money comes now in various ways. I actually own property. Have most of what I want and all of what I need. My business is doing well. Personal life a-okay. I work a lot, but that comes with the territory. I like working. Still try to keep myself off the radar as much as I can. Things have gotten strange in town recently. That appearance on 'Table Talk' was probably a big mistake, but it fired up interest in Pandy's, so I will have to deal with it. The point is, the need for currency is not as pressing as it was when I was alive.
So how utterly fate-like that an offer like this shows up when I may not actually need it. Besides, I would blow the entire amount staying 'alive' after the fact if I did what it would take to get the money.
Two things. Two million dollars. I could help a lot of friends and 'family' with that kind of cash.
I need a second opinion. Badly.
Tempy, where are you??????
Some day I'm gonna be happy. I don't know when just now I still have clouds to dance upon, and the moon expects me for tea
The Pandora Project.
The leaves are budding across the land
on the ash and oak and hawthorn trees.
Magic rises around us in the forest
and the hedges are filled with laughter and love.
Dear lady, we offer you a gift,
a gathering of flowers picked by our hands,
woven into the circle of endless life.
The bright colors of nature herself
blend together to honor you,
Queen of spring,
as we give you honor this day.
Spring is here and the land is fertile,
ready to offer up gifts in your name.
we pay you tribute, our lady,
daughter of the Fae,
and ask your blessing this Beltane.
Some day I'm gonna be happy. I don't know when just now I still have clouds to dance upon, and the moon expects me for tea
The Pandora Project.
What do you do when you discover you were a joke...
When you realize your best was for nothing.
When you hear things and cannot come to any conclusion except this is how it was all along. Whatever praise you heard in the past was simply a thin disguise for true contempt and laughter, you question everything yet again. Is a sad pattern in my continued life, it seems. Almost as if when my life ended nothing changed at all.
I was never the biggest or the brightest of the lot, but I was there before those who mock me now. I was the one who suggested some of them and stood firm they would be good to have along. I never abused the responsibility I had. I tried to be fair, understanding and kind. Never a machine, but a person. There were always differences of opinions, of course. Nothing is ever perfect. But you all stayed focused on the goals and worked to achieve them. I believed. I still believe, but my priorities changed-nothing more-and because I dare do what I did all along I am called insane? Oh yes, I dared to question, suggest, urged others to consider the ramifications of their actions and suggest other courses of action that might work better. I tried to be a conscious at times.
I did. I really did.
But according to the experts I was always crazy and my words were nothing.
I was nothing.
*carefully attaches a folded and pressed bit of cloth to the opposite page of the writing*
Was this a joke too? Was this a badge of responsibility or simply a mark to show others I was the resident village idiot? Any thoughts I ever had of returning one day are gone now, because I could not look them in the eye and wonder how hard they would be laughing inside at me. I make no apologies to those I helped send to the Realm for putting our kind in danger. I never will. It may have been evil in some eyes, but a necessary one and I still say it has to be done at times. Even now , I would shoot my own childers if that's what it took to show them the errors of their thinking. Why? Because I care.
No secrets ever left my lips and never will. Thankfully, no one has been stupid enough to ask because I doubt they would enjoy my answers. I broke no oaths or promises I made and no one can prove that. Oh, but some have tried. Oh yes. Sending spies into my business to see if I had. They will deny it all till doomsday but some have. And they found nothing! I swore to her and I never broke that promise. The rest of them can go play hide and go **** yourself for all I care. Why should I care about those who obviously think so little of me? I suppose I trundled along behind in a pretend army hat and played at being a solider too.
*a paragraph written in Romany with marking to suggest some sort of hex or curse*
I do not think the one who gave me the armband thought these things of me
*a second paragraph. The marks more align with blessings now*
but the true colors of others have shown through now. I think I will stay alone today. I do not feel the need to be laughed at today. But tomorrow when I emerge, I will be as I always am. All smiles, dancing and playing the fool most expect of me. It will be okay. I am okay. I am fine.
But lessons learned.
I am sorry, dear one. My sister in blood.
Watch your back, but it won't be me you need to watch out for. Show no mercy, no weakness, no compassion, no heart. The dogs you surround yourself with now see these things as a sign of weakness and they may very well try to tear you down if it suits their ideas. That is free advice, but my advice to you never came with a price.
Some day I'm gonna be happy. I don't know when just now I still have clouds to dance upon, and the moon expects me for tea
The Pandora Project.
