Dear...Whatever

[Aidan (DELETED 3366)]

((Nothing in this can be used without permission from myself))

Dear...whatever...


Never kept a journal before, never really needed it before this whole...thing. Where to begin? I am a vampire now. Awesome ******* thing there. After being raised and trained my whole life to hunt and kill the bastards I end up as one. Funny....really. One of those ironic twists of fate. It was my own fault, I never took **** seriously. I always treated it like a game, just a reason to goof off and be free from the everyday **** that was my life.

Perhaps, if I had treated it differently, I would have not fallen against my first vampire? Maybe I would have stood a better chance, but I didn't and instead of being killed the ****** decided to turn me into one of them then basically abandon me. I suppose it is only what I deserve, because I had been so cocky and arrogant. So, disrespectful and hateful toward my mother and family. Serves me right that I end up alone in this world.

Then I met my “family” other vampires like myself and I thought that perhaps, just perhaps that it was going to be ok that I was not going to be alone. That was partially right. I met someone. She...is....special. Definitely not someone that can be described with just one word, but if I were to try the word would be...Unique.

There is something about Asteria that just catches hold of my attention and my heart. She makes me smile, makes me laugh and even is nice enough to buy me a shirt to make up for turning me into a zombie for a week. I am not going to lie and say it was all roses and candy when we first met, but to date she is the only one that I know that I can count on completely. Each time I have needed someone she was there for me. Even in the face of her anger at me, rightly deserved of course, I knew she was still there for me. Because of this....attraction for one another, we decided to try and be a couple to share in our lives together.

Yet. Since that moment I have had the chance to have one....one amazing night with her where we just talked and enjoyed one another's company. One ******* night, because the rest of that time it has been nothing but family ******** and drama. The leaders fall silent and leave us wandering about alone until they need us. Then it's a snap of their fingers and we are to be at their beck and call. Hard to have a relationship with someone when your dates can be interrupted at a moments notice.

Months go by and we don't hear from them, then they call her. Not me and we are supposed to help. God...it is like my old life all over again, only this one does not promise the release of death at some point. An eternity of being enslaved to the whims of people who care only for themselves and no one else.

Then again, why should I care? My own sire abandoned me. I am nothing but the black sheep, the tag along poor pathetic orphan that no one wants around until they need something.

She wants me around...at least she used too....now...now. I don't know anymore....

I hope that we can get by this...without her....

What is the point to even staying here?